Wednesday, 26 March 2014


I always feel super weird when I write on here when I am in college. I always feel like I have to keep a watch over my shoulder incase anyone comes up behind me to see what I am writing. However, I have no lessons and no work with me that I need to be dong so I may as well update this because I haven't done so in ages. At least in February I had an excuse (letting someone else use my laptop), but this month has been pretty shameful for coming up with excuses.

Ugh, I actually have the biggest headache right now. I'm meant to be in Maths this afternoon but have told my tutor I have an appointment instead. If I went to his lesson I'd either throw up or just sit there for 3 hours bored whilst he explains F grade Maths to a bunch of people who are finding it difficult to comprehend the stuff they should have learnt in year 7. He was fine with it though. I think it's because he knows I'm not learning anything I need to know for my exam since I'm doing Higher Tier. He's a pretty cool guy. He has OCD as well.

I have so much work to catch up on from college. I need to send my course tutor an email asking if we ever get to redo any of the units from the first semester since I actually did appauling in them and since I have to stay on this shitty course and can't change to A Levels, I'll need to redo some/most of it to ensure I actually pass this year with the highest grade I can get. Since I'm not changing courses, it also means that I cannot do Astrophysics at university. I can't even do regular Physics so I don't have any idea on what to do at university because this qualification isn't accepted in the subjects I'd want to do. Just super confused about it all because why have a qualification and encourage students to do it if it isn't accepted everywhere like A Levels are?

So yes. Life is a little bit chaotic at the moment. Not about to get any less complicated anytime soon though. Kind of used to that I guess.

In terms of weight, it's actually ridiculous how slowly I'm losing right now. I guess it doesn't help that I finally got my period for the first time in forever so I have some major bloating going on right now and it's seriously pissing me off. I've come to the conclusion that I need to stop buying snakcs and junk food though. Yesterday I actually cooked pasta for dinner (needed something super simple because I was shattered!), and realised I can't eat so much when I actually cook a meal whereas when I'm just snacking all day, I can eat so much that it's fairly unreal.

I also need to up my exercise because apart from the 2ish hours walking on college days, I actually don't do much exercise. I either need to start using my exercise bike or regular bike and starting working out again. I think this is why I'm going a bit csdbvfhjvadlh! lately. I am an exercise junkie and when I get into a depressed stage or whatever, like all my motivation goes to do anything (which is what's happened with college these past few months) and I don't do anything which then makes me feel even worse. Hopefully slowly increasing my exercise and improving my eating will help with that though.

I guess I should wrap it up for now though. I think I'm going to go and find the closest pharmacy and buy some painkillers to kill off the start of a migraine.

Take care of your pretty selfs!

Sunday, 9 March 2014


I have finally have my computer all to myself. I've been allowing my friend to use it whilst his was waiting to be fixed so I haven't really spent much time online lately. I know I have my iPad and iPhone but using blogger on either of those two is just really irritating. Especially trying to use the apps because the creators have never heard of fricking paragraphs! It all ends up one big scrambled mess.

It's Lent! Lent is probably the only Catholic thing I actually do every year because let's face it, I'm hardly a practising, totally believing Catholic, am I? But yeah.

It's my aunts birthday tomorrow. Its her party tonight though which is kind of crappy because I have college tomorrow. I don't even know why I'm going because I didn't even get a birthday message from any family member.Not even sure I'm up to it to be honest.I swear I've been out/to a party every night for the last couple of weeks. It really isn't healthy. Though is anything I do healthy?

Talking of college, I sent a rant kind of email to my form tutor about having to do presentations whilst having a really bad anxiety disorder, and I actually got an understanding email back! I almost died. It's going to be awkward tomorrow though because I'm meant to be doing a presentation in Chemistry and I don't know if he's going to be as understanding. My form tutor and the tutor who runs the entire course and likes me are his boss though. I don't know though. It could go either way. If he ignores them, I'm walking out of his class.
Simple really.

It's also going to be awkward because it tends to be once you're honest about things. I mean, when you admit it's hard enough for you to talk to people 1 to 1, it's kind of... Embarrassing, I guess. Plus there's the fact that you're tutors have probably been talking about you, too. She did say she was aware of my problem and since I've never spoken about my anxiety crap (only ED), it's obvious they've spoken about it.

Going to stop thinking about it because it's making me feel anxious and ever so slightly paranoid.

I have to get ready for the party.
Kill me.

Take care