Oh gosh! It's July! How crazy!
So it's finally the summer holidays and I'm not back at college until September which is going to be a nice break. I'm so glad to be done with exams and the such until next year. It's a nice relief to not have to cram everything I've 'learnt' over the year into a few weeks before doing the exams. Plus it's nice to be away from people who you think are your friend but turn out to be everything a friend should never be.
So no more college for now. At least I got my place on next year's course. Away from fake friends and too much stress. I am so glad to not be surrounded by fake people who are just absolutely horrendous! Plus, out of all of my exams, only one was bloody terrible which is completely amazing!
I haven't slept and it's like, almost 7am, and I am crazy tired! I really want to go to bed but I have an extremely busy day ahead of me full of things that I can't put off until another day. My sleeping pattern has officially gone to hell since college finished. I seem to be going to bed at some crazy ass time like noon and then waking up a couple of hours later. 3 hours sleep just isn't my thing in all honesty.
I went on a shopping spree the other day for clothes to fit into by the end of summer. Vanity sizing is absolutely crazy! Every store I went into had a crazy idea of what a size 8 is! A size 8 has definitely gotten bigger over time. It used to be quite small and always kinda fitted and now it's more of a 10ish. Not that a 10 isn't small or anything because it is. It's just crazy how the fashion industry have fucked up the sizing over the years. Yes, it makes people feel better to buy a smaller size, but when that smaller size is really not that actual size, you're just fucking with people's minds.
I've figured that since this year at college, I've gained almost 35lbs not including the continuous losing and gaining of weight. I actually used to believe that gaining weight whilst at college was BS, but with all the eating out, stress eating, revision sessions at cafes and such, I definitely see why you gain weight in college. It didn't happen so much in my first year, but I never became really good friends with my classmates to the point where we'd all go out or dinner and all that. Plus there was only three of us back in my first year that were actually old enough to go out and get drunk, lol.
So on that note, I'm kind of the highest weight I have ever been and it's making me freak out quite a lot. I found my last high weight the absolute breaking point and I ended up confessing everything to my doctor, which, come to think of it, was almost two years ago. Creepy. Yea, but anyway. My last high weight almost drove me off the edge and this one is just messing with my head. I'm stuck between going on a huge downhill ED wise, and just wanting to keep gaining so it's a bigger loss at the end of it. Meh.
I'm stuck between wanting to renew my gym membership and not wanting people to see me working out at this weight. It's really annoying actually. Especially since I have a party to go to on the 22nd. 19 very short days to get out of this stupid B/P cycle and actually lose some weight. I swear I have started living in super baggy clothes because there is absolutely no chance I am going to wear dresses or skinnies right now.
Anyhoo, I'm kind of too tired for my brain to focus on what I'm writing.