Saturday, 22 December 2012

Holiday season

I don't like staying in England for Christmas. I don't think I've stayed here for Christmas and New Year in years. It's not my most favourite place to spend Christmas. I wish I was still in college actually. It's really boring to have three weeks at home which sounds crazy to say. I think it's because I know I have an exam on the 9th and it'll be torture to try and study over the Christmas break because there's a billion Christmas parties, plus I haven't seen my friends in ages so I can't exactly blow them off AGAIN because it's all I seem to do lately. 

I've not even opened my Science books to try and study. I look at them and just put it to the back of my head. I've probably done more Mathematics revision which is stupid since I don't have that exam until the middle of June. It doesn't help that none of the Biology, Physics or Chemistry has gone in because our Science tutor is shite. I do need to study at some point or I'll end up failing.

Christmas is already killing me. There seems to be a night out every night and instead of losing weight over the holidays, I'm going to end up gaining a load which is obviously fun. I am definitely not a holiday fan. I think it's all really overrated. It doesn't even really feel like Christmas anyway. It hasn't for the last few years. It just seems to be a month full of alcohol and food.

December is weird for me. Sometimes I can adore it and sometimes it's just a depressing month. It's kind of verging more towards the latter as it normally does. I think it's the whole charade of what Christmas is meant to be. Everyone acts happy and all that, but it's all false. When I see my mums side of the family actually acting like they care about each other, it makes me want to be sick. The false front everyone seems to have at this time of year is nauseating and as for the people who genuinely are happy, it makes me so freaking jealous because I've never had that.

I'm just hoping the 7th of January hurries up so I can go back to college. I hate it, I hate the tutors and half the students, but there's people there I actually like and it's a fantastic distraction since I'm out of the house from 7am until 9pm. I think this is another reason as to why I hate the holidays. I tend to always be indoors and not doing much unless it's night time and I'm going out whereas on a college day, I'm out all day and keeping busy. Without college, it's just boring. I have no structure and I have no idea how people can live and not go to school/college/university or have a job. The boredom and lack of structure would probably kill me.

Now I have to endure dinner with family and friends. Kill me! I should have gone to Scotland. Why did I end up staying home? *shakes head* I've kinda forgotten why or what I was writing because wine is an amazing thing, but I hope the holidays are going much better for you guys than it's going for me.

Take care


  1. I hope you have a nice time with your family, even though you don't feel like it yet :)
    I'm returning to college at the same day and I can understand what you mean about wanting to leave the house, yet hating half of the college people.. stay strong and I'm wishing you a very nice start of the year !!!


  2. I don't have school or college or a job and it sucks so bad. I had a job for a little while, but the stress of it basically cut my emotions off for a few months. But then when I lost the job- I lost it. Most of the time I only sleep every two or three nights because I can't go to sleep without feeling like I accomplished something for the day, and after that long of no sleep my body just puts me out so I don't have to think about it. I was crying last night because I dread Christmas so much. I want it to be something special and magical and fix everything but I don't even have a home and so I have to go back to my parent's house and wonder if it's the last Christmas I will spend with them. They are planning on moving to another state and I can't go. So we both feel pretty crap about the holidays. It seems to be a common theme here. I just use it to fuel me into not eating. Unhappiness is the best way to lose your appetite. I hope you at least get one smile out of the holidays though. Christmas can't be that bad every moment of it, right?

  3. December is weird. christmas is stressful. I wish you all the best.


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