Saturday, 22 December 2012

Holiday season

I don't like staying in England for Christmas. I don't think I've stayed here for Christmas and New Year in years. It's not my most favourite place to spend Christmas. I wish I was still in college actually. It's really boring to have three weeks at home which sounds crazy to say. I think it's because I know I have an exam on the 9th and it'll be torture to try and study over the Christmas break because there's a billion Christmas parties, plus I haven't seen my friends in ages so I can't exactly blow them off AGAIN because it's all I seem to do lately. 

I've not even opened my Science books to try and study. I look at them and just put it to the back of my head. I've probably done more Mathematics revision which is stupid since I don't have that exam until the middle of June. It doesn't help that none of the Biology, Physics or Chemistry has gone in because our Science tutor is shite. I do need to study at some point or I'll end up failing.

Christmas is already killing me. There seems to be a night out every night and instead of losing weight over the holidays, I'm going to end up gaining a load which is obviously fun. I am definitely not a holiday fan. I think it's all really overrated. It doesn't even really feel like Christmas anyway. It hasn't for the last few years. It just seems to be a month full of alcohol and food.

December is weird for me. Sometimes I can adore it and sometimes it's just a depressing month. It's kind of verging more towards the latter as it normally does. I think it's the whole charade of what Christmas is meant to be. Everyone acts happy and all that, but it's all false. When I see my mums side of the family actually acting like they care about each other, it makes me want to be sick. The false front everyone seems to have at this time of year is nauseating and as for the people who genuinely are happy, it makes me so freaking jealous because I've never had that.

I'm just hoping the 7th of January hurries up so I can go back to college. I hate it, I hate the tutors and half the students, but there's people there I actually like and it's a fantastic distraction since I'm out of the house from 7am until 9pm. I think this is another reason as to why I hate the holidays. I tend to always be indoors and not doing much unless it's night time and I'm going out whereas on a college day, I'm out all day and keeping busy. Without college, it's just boring. I have no structure and I have no idea how people can live and not go to school/college/university or have a job. The boredom and lack of structure would probably kill me.

Now I have to endure dinner with family and friends. Kill me! I should have gone to Scotland. Why did I end up staying home? *shakes head* I've kinda forgotten why or what I was writing because wine is an amazing thing, but I hope the holidays are going much better for you guys than it's going for me.

Take care

Monday, 10 December 2012

Quite typical

Dear Lord, I suck at blogging. I don't even have any reason for not doing it. I think it's because if I write down how shitty things are going, it'll make me feel even more shitty.

So it's December. I have no idea how it is already December. I don't feel like I have done anything this year. It's so strange. December means Christmas is close and I really don't want it to be that time of year yet. I mean, I like the fact I get three weeks off of college, but I'm just not a Christmas fan. Especially since it revolves around alcohol and food. I hate having to go shopping for gifts too. It's got to be the most annoying thing in the world to do. I still don't even know what I'm doing for Christmas. No one is really making a big deal out of it and I'm not too bothered about planning something. It doesn't really feel like Christmas either. It feels no different to any other freezing cold month haha.

I have college in a couple of hours and I really don't want to go. It means I have to have a shower and get dressed and all them other sociable things you have to do when you'll be in the company of others. If I could do my classes from home, I'd be the happiest person in the world. That way I wouldn't be tortured by my idiotic class, the fucking eejit tutors and them. It's kind of hard to see the guy who said he liked you, flirt with your best friend. The one who he bugged for weeks to find out what I was like..

It's whatever, though. I'm never the person people date. It's just very ugh to see each day. It doesn't help that we all talk on whatsapp either. We were in Nandos when he asked her to dinner. Let me tell you, it is not easy to keep yourself from crying and acting happy. It's annoying that that happened just as I actually begun to like him. This is why I never let myself like people. I don't mind finding guys hot, but I never normally let myself actually like a person because the always end up being morons and things tend to turn to shit for me. But he was lovely. :/

I had my St Johns Ambulance interview the other day. It went pretty well. I just need to ask them for long sleeved uniforms when I start because I don't do short sleeved anything with a jacket.

I should really get ready for college. I've missed Physics for the past 2 weeks and I'm not sure she'd appreciate me not going this week even though I would rather stay in bed because I actually hate college. There is nothing good about this course but I'll save that for another course.

Take care