Thursday, 19 July 2012

The darkness is soothing

See how delicious my lunch looked? So much green stuff going on there haha. Since I didn't even eat half of it, my grand total of calories was 71 calories.

I don't think I have ever started a post talking about what I have eaten. Come to think of it, I don't think I hardly talk about what I have eaten. Why do I never talk about what I have eaten? Or what I weigh? Mind screw right there.

Anyway. I'm typing this in the darkness of my room where I have spent the evening since I didn't want to go out. I've not wanted to go out in ages for some reason. It's much more peaceful to just spend an evening doing nothing. It's somewhat of a comfort to just turn all the lights off, close the door to people, turn the tv off and just breathe. I think I sometimes spend too much time doing so many things that I forget to just breathe. I guess it's easy to forget that we all need time to just think and be alone.

I've made the three day hump in regards to binging. Right now it feels really strange to be not eating what I was eating and to actually say no to things. I think that always feels strange, though. Saying no just comes really difficult to me because I always think I am going to offend someone or something which is utterly stupid. Saying no is something that should just come naturally. But this is me we are talking about. I'm a... difficult person. ;)

I have decided I am going to wait until we are about to leave here to weigh myself, and then I will wait until I return home at the end of August to weigh again. I'm not buying any scales to take with me because 1) it would be pointless since I have no idea if they are accurate. My faith tends to rely in my own scales and the the scales at my GP's. They both tend to match each other so my trust stays with them. Other scales just seem to throw any number at me. And 2) I can't be bothered. I'm (fortunately) currently in a 'not completely obsessing over the scales because I am completely obsessing over calories and exercise' phase. Whether it will stay like this is a mystery, but for now I will take it.

I don't really have much to say. Today was kind of dull and not very exciting. I've got the day to myself tomorrow so I think I am going to hit the workout train since I took it slightly easier today than I normally would. I definitely intend to kick my own arse tomorrow.

 I hope everyone is well.

Take care


  1. That salad looks yum! I think its a great idea that you aren't taking a scale with you.. Vacations are to be enjoyed :)

  2. that looks delicious! i'm planning to post meal-pictures on my blog, too, because i've just moved out and start cooking on my own and it's so much fun (if it wouldn't be so expensive ...).
    some time off is nice, indeed. sadly, you don't have time to take your time mostly - at least i don't. but if there's once a day that i don't have to work etc, i sleep all day and just lay on the couch :D

  3. Alone time is always my preferred time. Extended periods with others tend to exacerbate my anxiety issues. Sometimes it's healthy to separate yourself from the constant buzz of things, away from the distractions. Just be sure not to chronically isolate yourself like I do.

  4. Yummy! Lots of huggles. Your vaycay will be fun. :) xx

  5. Dammit I wish leafy greens were in season here!

    Take care <3