I've gained so much weight since college finished. All I seem to do to cure the boredom is eat and it's driving me crazy. Especially being here in Dublin and like this because it's so much harder to get out of binge mode when I'm around people who are constantly eating. I'm here for another 2ish weeks too and then I'm off to France. It's fun, don't get me wrong, to be doing things over the holidays, but all I want to do is restrict and workout and it's so hard to do that when you are spending time with other people in different countries.
I wonder if the hotel has a gym. I need to do something or I am going to go back to college so much bigger. I've already gained 15lbs or so, (I don't trust these scales because they aren't mine) and it's depressing. The only good thing is I haven't turned to cutting or any other behaviour because of it which is what I normally do. Though I did just burn my finger on the oven and it fricking hurts. Injuries seem to always hurt much when they are real accidents. Self harm doesn't seem to hurt as much for some reason.
Dublin. France. I sort of just want to go home and pretend nothing exists until the end of August. Especially the eating disorder. Honestly, this will sound kind of sick but if you've had a mixture of eating disorders you could maybe understand, I preferred the anorexia to this. Fuck, I preferred the constant throwing up and stuff to this constant binging. I think preferred is the wrong word. No, it definitely is the wrong word. I just hate the mixture of binging and throwing up.
I hate binging.
I hate the word binging because is sounds freaking stupid, haha.
I am, however, semi glad we aren't going to Italy like I wanted because I would definitely come back home 10 kilos heavier. I'd have to try absolutely everything. Plus , since Italy knocked England out of the Euro 2012, I'm not the greatest fan. ;)
Ugh. This download/upload/what-the-hell-ever is going so slowly. Screw my friend with a rusty screw for asking me to put How I Met Your Mother into a blog for her.
I hate binging. Have I said that already? Ugh. I've gained way too much weight.
How skinny are them two sisters on White Chicks? I mean the two rich bitchy ones. Obviously not the Wayan brothers, though they aren't exactly huge lol.
I think I am going to watch the end of White Chicks and go to bed. Since tomorrow is Monday, maybe this binging and rubbish will magically disappear. I've got to sort this shit out by the time I go to France. I'm just tired of it. At least tomorrow is Monday, though. It's not like you can start over on any other day. :P If only I could snap my bank card. Then I would have no money and then I couldn't binge. Or eat. Or do anything. I would so snap it if I didn't need it. Bloody vacations.
I need to catch up on blogs. On everything internet related, actually. On real life things, too. I feel like I need a huge catch up with everyone in Starbucks or something.
I hope you're all okay.