Saturday, 28 April 2012

Past few days

Is it wrong to want someone to get hit by a bus? Fall of a bridge? Choke on their food?
Even if that person is family?
Still a yes?

Le sigh.

Families are the most pointless thing I have ever come across and when you add family to Facebook, it's almost suicide worthy. Honestly, they are both so pathetic. Life would be much more simple without all that unnecessary drama.

The happy feeling of Wednesday disappeared the next day. I got to college earlier than normal despite stopping off at Starbucks and was talking to Christine about random stuff when she told me R* wasn't coming back to college because her dad had died. R* was the only person I really liked and got along with in my class and I tried for like, 5 minutes not to cry before crying. I feel stupid when I cry and always end up laughing to try and stop. It's got to be amusing to witness.

All the way through the Maths test (which was ridiculously easy by the way) and English sucked because all that was in my head was R* not coming back. It sucked even more since I seem to have gained a leech aka P*. P* is my least favourite person in the class along with L* and K*. P* more so because she is so ridiculously stupid. I probably sound a bitch, but stupid people just piss me off. Especially when they don't even attempt to do anything. I understand a lot of people aren't academic, but most people are able to withstand an intelligent conversation about things. P* is incapable of that.

Friday was good for the simple fact I had one hour of Biology and my next lesson was cancelled which was a blessing because it is the shittiest, most mind crippling, pointless lesson ever. I just ended up going for a really long walk and completing all my Biology booklet that I was only meant to do 41 pages of. I was going to do my English work (descriptive writing thing) but decided I'll do it Monday instead. That way I get the weekend to myself and can workout/sleep/relax.

22 days until I can weigh myself and they seem to be going so slowly. I don't know if it is a good thing or bad thing, probably good ED wise, but not weighing in for long periods of time make me not want to eat because I won't be able to see the 'damage' the food has done. Meh.

I just should get some Chemistry/Physics revision in today. I'm so tired though which is probably because I haven't slept. I've got a friend coming over tonight so I might attempt to get some sleep. I don't even care about messing my sleeping pattern up anymore since I never seem to get any sleep until 6pm and wake up around 9pm. Then I have to endure college and everything whilst insanely tired and I always feel extremely rude if I yawn during class. Same if I am staring at the clock when lessons are dragging. I used to chat with R* when class was dull and now I have to just grin and bear it.

Le sigh. Life is a bitch. It always finds a way to take away the things that give you some joy. Sucks. If it's not life that does that, it's the eating disorder.

I hope you are all having a more stimulating weekend than I am.
At least I have hot chocolate.

Take care


  1. haha ^^ I srsly don't think it's so wrong to wish those things.. God knows I have done it a bunch of times my self..

    for me family isn't the one I was born into most of the times.

    Hope your weekend turns out better soon :)


  2. I have serious guilt about feeling that way about my family. One of the reasons I moved half way across the world was to get away from them. I always said to my shrink that I know you can't choose family, but iof they were a friend that you wouldn't keep around because they are shit, why should you hurt yourself by keeping them around just because they are blood related. Don't feel guilty. I get you. Xo

  3. Families can be wonderful, but they can be frustrating as all hell. I'm pretty sure everyone has, at one point or another, cordially wished bodily mayhem on a close relative. Most people are just too scared to admit it!

    I've avoided that problem (And the problem of Mum getting the brother's GF to facebook-stalk my partners for her!) by not having a FaceBook any more. It makes life so much simpler.

    That suck for *R and you, both of you. Stupid people drive me mental, two of our new staff are completely thick and the male one of them ARGH I just want to stick his head in the chiller door and SLAM it sometimes! I have no idea how that boy manages to walk and breathe at the same time. He certainly can't talk and work at the same time!

    *Hugs* I hate slow lectures. I swear that the Archway Lecture Theatres at Otago break space&time. I shit you not. A lecture that takes 50mins anwhere else on earth takes 1 1/4 hours in Archway! Would drawing help pass the time? Grab a little A5 scribble pad and keep it beside your notes for Emergency Timefilling. It's perfectly simple to draw and listen at the same time, and if you sit far enough back it looks like you're just taking lots and lots of notes :3

    Someone at work yesterday told me to go home and sleep after I admitted to thinking that there was someone running around in a gorilla suit. Tomorrow morning I'm going to say "fuck work" (I'm working with Chatterbox, she never lets me go home early no matter how quiet it is or how sick I am) and I'm going to ring the doctor. This shit is getting a little out of hand.

    I found something on tumblr, it said "Asking for help is brave" and I think that it's right. It's just so fucking hard to do.

    Hot chocolate is the bomb. We're stocking all sorts of new varietals at work. My favourite is the honeycomb hot chocolate.

    Take care, arohanui Run <3

  4. Yep, family is very annoying and you should stay with them because of similiar blood even if you don't like the members...
    Wish you better time

  5. Good luck with your studies!
    I'm having my exams in 2 weeks and right now have to finish my course paper. I have to write 15 more pages till Thursday and yet I just can't start working on it :/

    I'm sorry your friend is not coming back to college.

    Take care.

  6. I have always believed there is a big difference between stupid and dumb. You don;t have to be intellectually smart, but there's no excuse for that total-lack-of-any-sense-whatsoever dumb. Drives me nuts, too. So you're not a bad person! ....or maybe we're both bad people. Ah well, feck it!

    Good luck with your revision! I'm impressed with anyone who can even sort of slightly understand chemistry or physics. :)


  7. Hmmm hot cocoa ^^ And yes life is def a bitch sometimes, you can't blame that on your ed though, at least your friend leaving. Stuff like that happens sometimes. Oh I'm sorry but I have to say this, I totally busted ass in the beginning because I do the same thing when I cry! Never seen or heard of someone else doing it though. Like I said please forgive me >.<
    Good luck with school, and try to get some sleep -_-
    Do you take night classes???