I am so cold and tired and just worn out.
I feel I have been doing so much when I have actually been doing next to nothing.
I guess I'm just in one of those depressed slumps and all blah.
I haven't weighed myself since Friday morning (it's now technically Monday), and I don't know whether that is adding to the blah feeling or actually helping by not making it more blah.
I don't think I even care to be honest.
The numbers are never enough.
When they are low, you never see it anyway.
It's just never enough.
Nothing you do is ever enough.
I might just wait until I eat again to weigh.
I don't know.
But then, when do I intend to start eating again?
I want to say never but... Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I don't know anything.
The longer I have this, the more unsure of everything I become lol.
I have English work to do but I am not doing it.
She said I didn't have to because, "You're good at English."
Her words, not mine.
I agree with her though.
Got to be a first that I've agreed with someone saying I am good at something. :P
I look pale and sick according to a friend and tutors.
I said I was poorly.
Sick thing is, I took it as a compliment.
Even sicker is the fact I want to look sick.
I'm really twisted, I know.
It makes me so glad I have no one around (family etc) that I can hurt with being like this.
I can only hurt me.
But never enough.
This post is all over the place tonight.
I can't even get my thoughts together properly.
Ever since being triggered it's just been a downward spiral thing.
I'm so tired and I'm sick of it.
Then again, I'm sick of being ill and I don't do anything about it.
Just complain haha.
Which reminds me I am meant to see my doctor.
Wait! How on earth did what I write remind me of the doctors?
Maybe it was the complain bit...
Anyway, I've been meant to see him for weeks.
I've been putting it off because I don't feel sick enough.
Which, you know, is funny.
If I'm not eating, I'm purging my drinks.
If I am eating, I'm purging everything I eat.
I exercise way too bloody much.
I self harm way too bloody much.
I guess the only good thing is I haven't been taking laxatives.
I'm off to exercise and have a Family Guy marathon.
I can't be bothered thinking anymore.
It makes the brain hurt.