Is it wrong to want someone to get hit by a bus? Fall of a bridge? Choke on their food?
Even if that person is family?
Still a yes?
Families are the most pointless thing I have ever come across and when you add family to Facebook, it's almost suicide worthy. Honestly, they are both so pathetic. Life would be much more simple without all that unnecessary drama.
The happy feeling of Wednesday disappeared the next day. I got to college earlier than normal despite stopping off at Starbucks and was talking to Christine about random stuff when she told me R* wasn't coming back to college because her dad had died. R* was the only person I really liked and got along with in my class and I tried for like, 5 minutes not to cry before crying. I feel stupid when I cry and always end up laughing to try and stop. It's got to be amusing to witness.
All the way through the Maths test (which was ridiculously easy by the way) and English sucked because all that was in my head was R* not coming back. It sucked even more since I seem to have gained a leech aka P*. P* is my least favourite person in the class along with L* and K*. P* more so because she is so ridiculously stupid. I probably sound a bitch, but stupid people just piss me off. Especially when they don't even attempt to do anything. I understand a lot of people aren't academic, but most people are able to withstand an intelligent conversation about things. P* is incapable of that.
Friday was good for the simple fact I had one hour of Biology and my next lesson was cancelled which was a blessing because it is the shittiest, most mind crippling, pointless lesson ever. I just ended up going for a really long walk and completing all my Biology booklet that I was only meant to do 41 pages of. I was going to do my English work (descriptive writing thing) but decided I'll do it Monday instead. That way I get the weekend to myself and can workout/sleep/relax.
22 days until I can weigh myself and they seem to be going so slowly. I don't know if it is a good thing or bad thing, probably good ED wise, but not weighing in for long periods of time make me not want to eat because I won't be able to see the 'damage' the food has done. Meh.
I just should get some Chemistry/Physics revision in today. I'm so tired though which is probably because I haven't slept. I've got a friend coming over tonight so I might attempt to get some sleep. I don't even care about messing my sleeping pattern up anymore since I never seem to get any sleep until 6pm and wake up around 9pm. Then I have to endure college and everything whilst insanely tired and I always feel extremely rude if I yawn during class. Same if I am staring at the clock when lessons are dragging. I used to chat with R* when class was dull and now I have to just grin and bear it.
Le sigh. Life is a bitch. It always finds a way to take away the things that give you some joy. Sucks. If it's not life that does that, it's the eating disorder.
I hope you are all having a more stimulating weekend than I am.
At least I have hot chocolate.