Well I found out a trigger today. I don't have many and am not normally bothered by things. They just don't phase me.
Getting a bad grade on a mock exam is the most triggering thing ever! It was such an easy test too! It was Maths! Going through the answers today, I answered every single one of them correct. Every single one. That would have put me at an A* grade. I'm so frustrated with myself for not studying over Christmas. It was far too easy to just try and enjoy myself. God! Maths. My best subject and the thing I find so simple and I got the easiest things wrong. Richard is an arse for making us do the test on the first day back after nearly 3 weeks off.
But yes. Very triggering. Yeah. Bad day. Worst day of the year so far. Funny how one little thing that shouldn't bother you - the mark isn't even a proper mark! - really gets to you. Leading to the obvious... Things we seem to do when triggered. Ugh. Whatever.
It's been an okay start to the year apart from that though. College is going good and things, I guess. It's a nice distraction and it is fantastic to have my regular routine back. apart from Wednesday. I now have to stay until nearly 5pm because have extra Science. So annoying. I can't stand the Science teacher either. I was telling Christine all the reasons why yesterday and she was just laughing. She obviously couldn't put it down on my record thing, but it was nice to talk to someone other than R* about how much of a wanker he is. I dislike him so much. I can't wait until next year when we have all three Science subjects individually and hopefully never have to see him again. He has made me hate Physics with such a passion! I headed onto the course wanting to do Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Physics as A levels. That soon changed to English, Chemistry, Maths and Biology.
Anyway. Enough of my lousy college stuff. It's not all that entertaining, nor is it interesting.
My blades are gone. My notebook with an half written letter to my doctor was on a completely different page. I'm freaking out so much. I feel like an idiot! Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, like, this sounds very random to suddenly start talking about, but fuck me backwards! The only person who could have moved them/got rid of them is D*. But why hasn't he said anything if it is him? Somebody shoot me. Please. I can't deal with people other than the doctor and tutors knowing. Not the boy. Definitely not him. No, no, no... What the...
Today sucks. Today is just crap. Life is crap right now. I really hope I am panicking over nothing. I didn't even think about moving the notebook in particular because... I'm off to bed. Or for a walk. Or something.