I freaking hate people! I really do. Especially people like half my stupid class because they are the type of people who made my ED and SH so much worse in high school! Did I just put some of the blame of my issues on others? Too right!
Honestly though, I actually screamed at them in class. It has just got to the point where I am beyond pissed at them. This is college. There is no law saying they have to be there. They could just stay home and do jack shit whilst living up to their full potential of smoking pot and watching Jeremy Kyle. I thought I had left this drama crap in high school. Even then, I think we had the ability to more in high school because there was detention and isolation there.
Gah. Fuck. Crap. Shit. Bastard. Bleh. Swearing doesn't help, hence the fact I don't really swear in real life. I don't do stress. All it does is make me self harm more, make the eating disorder worse and make my anxiety go through the roof. Oh, and it tends to affect the OCD more. Oh the joyous fun! *sarcastic smile*
At least from 11am on Friday I have 2 and a half weeks to be as messed up as I want to be and not have to worry about it. :D Sorry. I'm in a real self destruct mood/mode kind of thing. Ignore any rambling lol. I was talking to Christine and Emma today though which made things a little better. We all had a moan about the students (wahey for having tutors who dislike certain students just as much as you!) and just talked in general. Kind of nice to just tale and things.
I was talking to the kid who did the whole self harm attention thing a few weeks ago yesterday and scarily enough, we are so similar. Really similar in terms of mental health which is sort of scary. Talking to him, I actually understand him more and kind of like him. Not in that way, but he is actually... Nice. Who would have thought it hey?
I also confessed to him, L*, B* (of sorts) and P* I have/had/whatever ocd, gad, bipolar and depression. I left out the eating disorder and self harm and just said there are other things I don't quite feel comfortable talking about yet. They were cool with it and surprisingly, I found myself feeling comfortable with the idea of telling people. I'm obviously not going to right now or anything, but they know it is medical and been going on for nearly 13 years. L* actually used to have bulimia when she was younger. I think that's what made me feel more okay with the idea of her knowing. B* was there though and I only trust L* and R* mainly. The boy I don't mind knowing because how can he be judgemental when he has 'issues' etc. P* I'm not so sure about. But I definitely don't trust B* knowing. The entire class would bloody know in 2 minutes flat!
For people asking in my last post, microdermals look like this picture I found on Google.
I'm definitely going to get hip and collarbone ones. I put off tattoos last year until I am at least 25 (to know if I really want them or just want them because it is now legal), so I am definitely getting piercings this year. I've already said in class in front of the people I like and my tutor that I am getting them on my birthday so I can't go back on it now. :)
I'll read your blogs and comment in the morning. I'm shattered and just blah, plus David's here.