Wednesday, 14 December 2011

People are overrated!

I freaking hate people! I really do. Especially people like half my stupid class because they are the type of people who made my ED and SH so much worse in high school! Did I just put some of the blame of my issues on others? Too right!

Honestly though, I actually screamed at them in class. It has just got to the point where I am beyond pissed at them. This is college. There is no law saying they have to be there. They could just stay home and do jack shit whilst living up to their full potential of smoking pot and watching Jeremy Kyle. I thought I had left this drama crap in high school. Even then, I think we had the ability to more in high school because there was detention and isolation there.

Gah. Fuck. Crap. Shit. Bastard. Bleh. Swearing doesn't help, hence the fact I don't really swear in real life. I don't do stress. All it does is make me self harm more, make the eating disorder worse and make my anxiety go through the roof. Oh, and it tends to affect the OCD more. Oh the joyous fun! *sarcastic smile*

At least from 11am on Friday I have 2 and a half weeks to be as messed up as I want to be and not have to worry about it. :D Sorry. I'm in a real self destruct mood/mode kind of thing. Ignore any rambling lol. I was talking to Christine and Emma today though which made things a little better. We all had a moan about the students (wahey for having tutors who dislike certain students just as much as you!) and just talked in general. Kind of nice to just tale and things.

I was talking to the kid who did the whole self harm attention thing a few weeks ago yesterday and scarily enough, we are so similar. Really similar in terms of mental health which is sort of scary. Talking to him, I actually understand him more and kind of like him. Not in that way, but he is actually... Nice. Who would have thought it hey?

I also confessed to him, L*, B* (of sorts) and P* I have/had/whatever ocd, gad, bipolar and depression. I left out the eating disorder and self harm and just said there are other things I don't quite feel comfortable talking about yet. They were cool with it and surprisingly, I found myself feeling comfortable with the idea of telling people. I'm obviously not going to right now or anything, but they know it is medical and been going on for nearly 13 years. L* actually used to have bulimia when she was younger. I think that's what made me feel more okay with the idea of her knowing. B* was there though and I only trust L* and R* mainly. The boy I don't mind knowing because how can he be judgemental when he has 'issues' etc. P* I'm not so sure about. But I definitely don't trust B* knowing. The entire class would bloody know in 2 minutes flat!

For people asking in my last post, microdermals look like this picture I found on Google.
I'm definitely going to get hip and collarbone ones. I put off tattoos last year until I am at least 25 (to know if I really want them or just want them because it is now legal), so I am definitely getting piercings this year. I've already said in class in front of the people I like and my tutor that I am getting them on my birthday so I can't go back on it now. :)

I'll read your blogs and comment in the morning. I'm shattered and just blah, plus David's here.

Take care


  1. I am sorry that people have been upsetting you. i have no words of wisdom cause unfortunately words do hurt. Love the pics cant wait to see yours.

  2. omg the hip ones are my preasent to myself after i hit 120!! I think it's soo cool we both want the same things. You seem like a pretty awesome chich and I'm so happy I found your blog!!

    And your opinion on your classmates was absolutley correct. It's college. If you dont wanna go DO FUCKING GO. Idiots.

    Hope you feel better love.

  3. people suck -.-'
    break is so close though! and I had the exact same thought of doing whatever the fuck I want for break no one can see :)
    collarbones and hips are going to look awesome!
    I hope you feel a little better soon :)
    lots of love

  4. Glad you found people to talk to! I don't think I could handle getting microdermals, looks painful! xx

  5. If I didn't have such massive boobs I'd get microsermals and a chest tattoo. Sadly, the boobs will pull it all out of shape *Sigh*

    Fucking students. They honestly drove me completely nuts! I had no desire to go to tutorials and associate with them, hence why I failed so many classes :/ You have my sympathy. Do you need someone else to rage to?


  6. Don't apologise for rambling lovely thing, my entire blog is a messed collection of rambles and clumsily fitted together words and thoughts.
    I'm glad you have people you can talk to; you deserve to be able to let a little weight off your shoulders, and hopefully your heavy heart.
    You have so much to live for; you're brilliant.
    Do take care, love.

  7. Girl you're so brave! I can't imagine telling people about any of my crap, but I guess the crap in your life that you told your friends about is a little more "acceptable" (as deemed by society) because it's not "something you can just stop like an ED" (idiots). Anyways, good for you for telling them. You're way braver than I'd ever be in that sense!
    As for the piercings, they look sweet! Annnnd painful as hell, sooo GOODLUCK with getting those! I'll bee crossing my fingers for you because I could never do it! I'm doing the whole tattoo thing for my birthday, but that's still a couple months away, so you can't get tattoos till you're 25? or you just don't want to? Here we can get them at 18 (without parental consent)
    Anyways, goodluck with all that! <3 xo

  8. I'm sorry people have been acting like such dicks to you and just won't grow up! if it helps, the other day in my chemistry lesson i sat there as they had a conversation about how eating disorders are socially unacceptable and shit. i went ballistic at them, and actually argued with their opinion (which i rarely do!). I get how people can be dicks and i'm sorry they've made you feel so shit.

    I'm glad you felt comfortable telling some people about things. That's good because you should always be able to talk to them :)

    Hope you're feeling better! xxxx

  9. I was pretty disappointed myself when I entered university, and finally realized that although the setting has changed, people don't change quite so suddenly. Everyone who goes came directly from high school, and so too do their petty and immature behaviours, unfortunately. It gets better over time though, especially when you start getting to know your profs better. I find that I've always gotten along better with them and grad students much better in general than the undergrads.