Saturday, 5 November 2011


I just realised, my last post wasn't exactly positive, was it? Then I didn't blog again. Or go online actually. The laptop has just been sat there since Tuesday collecting dust.

So, yeah. Hi?

Things have actually been a little bit better not spending time online. I can't say I actually miss sitting in front of the laptop because I've actually been spending time with my friends and that. Plus college started up again which is so good. Just because I am determined to keep the 100% thing lol. But college distracts me from SH and the eating disorder for a few hours each day, which is nice.

Or rather it did. We have a super attention seeking guy in our class. He's the type who uses any little problem he has as an excuse for everything. Well, Wednesday, me and my friend were waiting for our next lesson, tutorial, (with Christine) straight after English (with Emma) instead of going for lunch, and he sat next to us for some reason. He only ever sits/talks/does anything near or to us. Anyway. He had his sleeves up like most people tend to, excluding me lol. But he walks, or rather stomps, off and came back a few minutes later with scratches on his harm. He repeated this process a few times, but left his sleeves up so me and R* could see them.

It frustrated the shit out of me because if you self harm, you are not leaving your fucking sleeves up so people can see. Jesus Christ. It's like me walking around with a flipping vest top on. I understand not giving a shit about scars, but actual cuts you just did? I wanted to smack him. I really, really wanted to smack him. It just frustrated me because in my opinion, that's just for attention. People just... Don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Who am I to judge and all that jazz, but when you do it yourself, you sort of understand it. In my opinion, and I'm not sorry for thinking it, that is all attention seeking.

We talked to Christine and Emma about it like anybody would, and we did it in a respectful way like you should, and that was just... *aims gun at head* I love Christine and Emma because they are so nice, but the way tutors stick up for him is just annoying. I understand he has issues, like hello(!), but come on. You have to take responsibility for your actions at some point. To self harm in college is just wrong, and I don't care if it is your coping mechanism, or your way of getting attention... Plus, it means he brought a blade into college which is, 1) against the law since I highly doubt it is under 2 inches (I think blades have to be under 2 inches. Don't quote me.), and, 2) would, or rather should, get you kicked out of college because you can't take weapons in there.

But yeah. It pissed me off which both Christine and Emma could tell. When I get angry, I want to cry. I have no idea why because it's just stupid. It also makes me want to punch a wall or cut, but I'll take the tears of frustration. :P

Enough of him because he annoys me. The situation annoys me because I am pissed he brought me and R* into. He should have just pulled his sleeves down like he did when Chrisine and then everyone else got to the floor/classroom. It would be like me flaunting my SH. Or me flaunting my ED or whatever else. I'm not saying ignore your problems, but don't show them off like it's the latest fashion. *End of the matter*

How much did I just write on that?! This is going to be so long, I can just tell.

Going back to college though, I am pretty much around/above a A grade in both Maths and English. *happy party* We've got to start our second assessment in Engish on Wednesday and the week after we have a Science test. If we fail (because of the whole crappy teacher thing, learning the wrong thing, having just 4? lessons on Physics?), we do get to sit it again. I don't want to fail though. It's going to take some major studying to actually take it in because Physics is the most boring subject ever. Pretty easy, but mind crippling. I need a B in Science, but want to get an A.

It's bonfire night and I'm off out with a couple of friends tonight. I can't say I am a fan of fireworks and the sort, which thankfully there isn't a lot of where I live, but it's an excuse to go out and be social. Even though it is freezing and wet, I'm not staying in or spending time on the computer because that is boring. I'd rather freeze haha.

I'm sure I have missed loads out of the week, but I'd rather go off and read/comment and then the gym. It's not been much of an interesting week really. Take the self harm out, take the ED out, take the rest of my issues out, and you are left with a week full of college, studying and going out. And the gym.

Take care


  1. I think I agree with you about it being attention seeking. I know I would never leave my sleeves up and flaunt it off if I ever had that urge to do it at college. I agree we are all different and cope in different ways, but there is limits. Self harm is just as secretive as eating disorders are, and people probably judge worse on self harm because it is harder to understand why somebody would want to inflict harm on themselves ya know?

    A grade standard. I am so jealous. Maths and english don't come naturally to me. Especially maths. It confuses the heck out of me lolz.

    Have lots of fun tonight and it's good that you are finding yourself not wanting to spend lots of time online. xxxx

  2. He does sound like a moron.. I agree with you on this one...I never used to just let my arms show back in the days .... a friend once saw my wrist and it was such a drama.. so ya..

    Anywho.. take care of you.

  3. Yay for a long post :)
    I'm glad school is a distraction minus that dweeb :P
    I'm so happy to see you in an upbeat mood *cheers*

  4. Thanks for your lovely comments :)
    This guy sounds like a complete idiot... SH is definitely not something to flaunt. That's not the kind of attention to strive for.
    I'm glad you're enjoying your friends and your social life... I do love reading an upbeat post! xx

  5. "Self-harming" to get attention makes me soooo pissed.
    Almost all of my friends have done it atleast once, and they all like to come talk to me about it. :/
    Meanwhile I'm still trying to hide my scars because I'm scared of what people will say if they see them.
    I feel judgmental and mean for getting mad when they're hurting themselves -because even doing it just for attention is a little odd and should be addressed and all that- but it's like when you know what it's like to be addicted and be ashamed of that addiction and do your best to hide it, seeing it flaunted around -especially when they're scratches at best- is really aggravating. ://

    If you don't have time to blog because you're out enjoying the real world, then whateverr. Lol. Have fun. :)

    < 3

  6. what a douche :/ i'm glad school is going ok though and you're feeling happier :) xo.

  7. It's also frustrating because when people do things like that, it adds to this perception of self-harm as an attention seeking behavior. And makes us look like attention whores. And you're right, that's totally not what it's about!!
    Good luck with science:D Glad you are engaging with family and friends and studies!

  8. People like him make me CRAZY!!! I knew a girl like that in high school--she would scratch herself up with safety pins and then make sure everyone could see it. I always felt like saying BITCH PLEASE, those won't even leave marks.
    But like you said, we shouldn't judge right?

    Glad you're having fun out with friends!]


  9. This guys crazy, I almost feel like you should give him exactly what he wants with his attention-seeking behaviour. Tell someone. Go to a teacher or something and just mention that you're worried about him blah blah blah- play the concerned friend. He'll be pulled aside and will have to have a serious conversation and It'll hopefully straighten him out so that he stops being an idiot.

    But I'm so glad that you're rocking school girl! keep it up!xo

  10. I had a friend who would cut and call me into the bathroom to see what she did. She forced me to throw away razors I owned. She wore her "problems" like a badge of honor.

    I could never understand.