I've become so terrible at blogging. Half is down to me just recovering from what the heck ever I had (seriously, my immune system seems to have turned to shit -_-), the other half is down to... Laziness.
Well, I gained weight earlier this month, got depressed at the number I saw on the scales, restricted, then fasted (or is that fasting?) lost 11lbs from the 16th to the 25th, haven't weighed myself since Friday and am only a few pounds away from the lowest weight I have been in 4 or so years? No, it's not a low weight in terms of weights I have been, it's just a low weight since the ED became EDNOS then Bulimia.
Bear Grylls is sort of yummy. Stupid name, but yummy.
I felt really bad the other day. I saw a picture of someone I was best friends with on Facebook, and all I could think was how I never want to look like her. Not so much her weight because she has always been big (and I am not all that shallow), just the fact she dresses as though she is a size 6 but is really a size 16. I felt quite bad for some reason though. Maybe I am shallow. Or maybe I just never want to look like I have more make up on than an oompa loompa and like my clothes wear me rather than I wear my clothes? Hmm.
I was purging earlier today (bit pointless since I haven't eaten in 8 days or something) and noticed blood. It wasn't anything I had drunk because I haven't drank anything red. I brushed it off. No big deal. It's funny how nothing is a big deal when it is us but when it is somebody else, we get all concerned and the sort. Same when we do stupid shit. We don't care when we are doing it ourselves, but if one of our friends is doing it, it becomes a big no no. Us humans are funny little things, aren't we?
Going back to the counselling thing I spoke about whenever it was I last posted. I have to wait for an initial assessment which will take - wait for it - 8 to 12 weeks. Such a joke. I can't even be arse with it to be quite frank. Fricking counselling at college would be easier though that isn't something I would ever do. It's funny how we decided on the counselling/therapy route because it would be faster than the ED centre route... Sure it is.
It's a good thing I am not aiming to recover isn't it? God have mercy on my soul the day I attempt that.