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Saturday, 1 October 2011

1st of October

I was going to blog last night but I saw no point. It would only have been full of pointless shit and even though it probably will be now, at least it isn't completely angry pointless shit lol.

That woman called back yesterday and... Yeah. It's frustrating and I was kind of beyond pissed when I was talking to her and she said she hadn't even spoken to my doctor but she will write to him that day instead and some other useless stuff that I ignored since I had zoned out after she said she hadn't attempted to call my doctor. Plus I was in class (on a break) when I was talking to her and I wanted to avoid feeling like I wanted to go on a murdering spree. So, fantastic. *rolls eyes* It made a pretty bad day even worse and blah.


I don't know. I give up (on the sorting it out thing, not life). All I can think is, "What's the point?" I don't know. It just seems bloody ridiculous that I'd most likely receive whatever crap I need if I weighed less because we all know it's weight that matters most to a lot of 'professionals'. I don't know.


I always defend the NHS and the people who work for it, but I actually realise how them opinions slightly change when it is you they piss off. It's not so much the people who work for the NHS that have annoyed me because my doctor is lovely and she wasn't that bad, it's the fact that the entire system is over-run with overpaid suits who have fucked the entire thing up. It's the fact that weight plays such an important role in the amount of help you get from them because we all know if we had that all important BMI of 17.5, things would be completely different. It's the fact that the only eating disorder that ever receives enough help/attention is anorexia nervosa. Well, you know what AN, go die in a fucking hole! Out of all the eating disorders, anorexia is the least common one, yet it's treated like it is the only one that matters. And doctors and others wonder why people are not honest with them about things like eating disorder. We have regular Einsteins working as doctors all over the world now don't we?


So much for this post not including completely angry stuff lol. I hate being angry and frustrated. Especially when it's with things related to this because it makes me want to be self destructive in one way or another. Not that I care to be honest, but you know. I do care... Sort of.


Anyway, more positive things. Did I say that the other day I broke the 130's? I don't think I did you know. But yeah, go me. I realised whilst I was sat in my podcasting lesson yesterday (it was actually sort of interesting), that if I lose another 16lbs, I will have lost 50lbs since the 21st of July. I've lost 34lbs since that point so far. Not sure if that is positive, but it's much better than my ranting. ;)


I have tests next week in English, Science and I think Maths? I am already thinking of something to write about in English that includes the things we need to include to get the marks. I'm actually not going to write something based on medicine or eating disorders. :O Shock horror right? But they will all be easy apart from the Science one because the useless old fart doesn't teach is anything of use. He just gets us to copy down the answers onto worksheets that he gives us which is utterly pointless. I've taken to checking out books from the library band educating myself on General Science and Human Biology. I've got to say, I learn more from the books than I do from that twit of a man. Science is actually the best thing I did in school and he's completely ruined that one for me.


So it is the 1st of October. Eek! I get a week off in around 3 weeks which will be so nice because I won't have to wake up so early. :P College is officially killing my gym time which isn't good. I need to get back into running more often too once the weather cools down a little. Until then, I am destined to sticking to too much walking because of crappy traffic and cycling etc.


Enjoy this unusual sunny Saturday. :)
Take care
xxx

6 comments:

  1. wow I can't believe you have lost all that weight in like 2 months! So inspirational

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  2. Aww you should have blogged last night even if it's "pointless shit". i hope you're okay :(

    Aww sorry the phonecall made things just even worse for you :( :(

    there is sooo much point on sorting things out, believe me :( it's 100% worth it and you can get your life back, and stop feeling so shit constantly :(

    i hate how much of a role weight plays in getting help because the mental side is the more important side of a MENTAL illness so i completely get your frustration and anger :( it's a stupid system as it's like "oh, you need to lose more weight, then we'll help you gain that back, and some more. but, you need to fuck up your mindset to the point where youre pretty much beyond help" lol.

    i think AN is treated like the only one that "matters", as from the medias point of view it's the most shocking one from an outsiders view, so then they get more readers and massively exaggerate things, giving off the wrong impression, you know? idk, i think that the media hypes it up more than it is, and treats AN like its the worse one, even though they're all as bad as each other, so the docs just follow that.
    sorry for ranting :P

    Sorry you're angry, please try and not be self destructive? :(

    hope you feel better soon and the tests next week go well? :) xxxxxx

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  3. I felt the same way, last nite I was going to post and then realized I had nothing to say. Your right about doctors. How we want someone to listen but no one truely cares. That's why I want to be a psychologist. I actually care. I could make a difference to someone. 50 LBS? Holy Cow, that's incredible! July is when I had started to kick my butt into high gear too. Umm...17 LBS as of right now. You win:) LoL. Just kidding. Anyways, stay strong Dollface. Dont' let the lady bring you down, girl! You rock!
    Love.Jane.

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  4. Love, I feel your pain in terms of the doctor stuff. Seriously its RIDICULOUS!

    I doubt this is any consolation but my BMI is under 17.5, and I'm diagnosed AN (but b/p type) and I've still been treated like shit.

    I once had a consultant psychiatrist, a supposed expert in eating disorders, say to me, "well, you did used to be underweight, and then you started binging." (At the time by BMI was 17).

    What I mean to say, other than bitch about shitty doctors, is that I think in part its attitude, rather than weight.

    A woman I know, who's not underweight at all, and is diagnosed as bulimic, she's actually treated really really well by the NHS- which gives me some hope- that they can pull their finger out sometimes!!!

    It really is ridiculous- they think you're fine if you're not completely emaciated.

    But there are doctors out there who don't treat you like shit. I actually had a doctor say to me, "well its nothing to do with your weight is it, its to do with your eating." Which was a bit of a reverse!

    Sorry I'm getting long! I just mean to say I feel your pain!

    I'm sorry your day was so shitty :(

    Take care xxxLove, I feel your pain in terms of the doctor stuff. Seriously its RIDICULOUS!

    I doubt this is any consolation but my BMI is under 17.5, and I'm diagnosed AN (but b/p type) and I've still been treated like shit.

    I once had a consultant psychiatrist, a supposed expert in eating disorders, say to me, "well, you did used to be underweight, and then you started binging." (At the time by BMI was 17).

    What I mean to say, other than bitch about shitty doctors, is that I think in part its attitude, rather than weight.

    A woman I know, who's not underweight at all, and is diagnosed as bulimic, she's actually treated really really well by the NHS- which gives me some hope- that they can pull their finger out sometimes!!!

    It really is ridiculous- they think you're fine if you're not completely emaciated.

    But there are doctors out there who don't treat you like shit. I actually had a doctor say to me, "well its nothing to do with your weight is it, its to do with your eating." Which was a bit of a reverse!

    Sorry I'm getting long! I just mean to say I feel your pain!

    I'm sorry your day was so shitty :(

    Take care xxx

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  5. Wow. No it's so much better to get it out, even if it's just through a blog and not screaming, than to be self destructive.

    And I agree. Ana is given most of the light and there are so many more out there. Including the one that most of America seems to have that has caused them to become obese.. Binge Eating Disorder. I know that a lot of the "most of America" wouldn't be diagnosed with it, but they all have symptoms and are raising their kids to have the same disorder and in some cases more severe than their own.

    Sorry I don't know where you live, but I'm from America and I'm disgusted by at least half of the people I see because they all eat so much and are so extremely huge. =/

    Anyway, I think it's amazing that you've lost 34lbs since then. =)

    Keep up the good work.

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  6. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with ignorant morons. It seems like more often than not, the accounts I see in the online community are of sufferers who "get it" a whole lot more than the supposed professionals. Even if it were about weight, the idea that every person becomes too thin at the exact same height-weight proportion is so absurd. There's nothing wrong with expressing anger, it's cathartic.

    If you do end up in a half marathon, it's an incredible experience! Everyone has their own idea of what "fast" is, but at 13.1 miles, just crossing the finish line is an accomplishment. You also learn, looking at the people racing alongside you, that you can't assume a person's fitness level by looks alone! I've been struggling with constant soft tissue injuries for a coupla years but I'm still dying to get back in the game. I'd say go for it :)

    Halloween costume? I'll probly just dress funky/punk for fun, I've got no real reason to get a costume. Someday when I'm thin though, I'm going as Hermione from Harry Potter.

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