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Friday, 28 October 2011

Holy shit!

Hi!

I can actually blog! Amazing right? Long story about the charger. Dell delievered it Wednesday, wasn't the right one, had to order the correct one and have to do the annoying wait all over again. Joyous fun it is lol.

At least I have a computer for now though. Sort of. I've stolen my old laptop back from my cousin until next week when I get back from Scotland. Have I mentioned I've gone to Scotland until Monday? I probably didn't and wrote it in my journal instead lol. Yes, I actually got that bored of not being able to write down my thoughts that I started a journal. I've got to say, I much prefer blogging because I don't really run the risk of anyone finding it and thinking I'm a wee bit crackers.

I feel a bit bad about not going on PT and being a decent mod lately. I miss not posting much on there and actually getting involved with the community which I need to start doing again once I have my own computer back. It's not the same using my phone to go on there because it takes forever!

Anyway, back to the Scotland thing. We came up... Wednesday? It's lovely to be out of Leeds. I've got to say, I would prefer to be spending my holidays focusing on losing weight and things, but this is nice too I guess. We come back down on Monday for Halloween which is actually going to be great. I suspect my Halloween will be very alcohol related which I am all for. When you don't go out for 4 months, you suddenly realise how boring things can be without a decent night out. So I am looking forward to that.

I can't remember how I used to type on this laptop. I'm not a huge fan of the keys. :/

I'm not feeling all the food we've been eating though. Sure, it's still pretty low to a regular person, but it's too high for me. It's the only part I hate about staying with people. Actually it is just the food I hate. If only it could be taken out of every equation. ;)

This week has flown by. I'm not sure whether that is good or bad yet, but we did say our week off would go super fast and then term 2 would drag. I do like the structured days though so it isn't all bad.

Tutorial on Wednesday will be interesting though haha. Interesting for the fact it's Christine and that in itself will be interesting for a few reasons lol, and interesting for the fact I have a party Tuesday night after a football game. It's a bloody prom theme which is pretty interesting. Look at that! Getting drunk two nights in a row. I seem to be reverting back to my typical student ways. :P

Take care
xxxx

Saturday, 22 October 2011

I hate not posting daily

Not having a computer really sucks. I mean, I have a computer and that, just the charger is broken. Using other peoples computers kind of scares me because I go into super secretive mode and get all paranoid that something will find out about the blog or something. I can't wait to have the charger I need delivered on Wednesday or Thursday. Bloody expensive for a computer I will only be using until I get a new one in a few weeks. :/

Anyway, I've stolen, of sorts, my friends PC whilst I am at his house. Since he is at work, I figured I would blog and say I am still actually alive. :P

Oh, funny story. Remember me blogging about the cute sub science tutor? We was talking about him in tutorial with my tutor/name twin Christine (my birth name is that though I got it changed a few years ago to Kristina. Long ass story. I've never admitted what my birth name was actually! Something new for you all lol. Still need to get extra copies of my deed poll thing so that I can change my name on things...) Anyway! She asked how we found Nigel and we said he was the best tutor we've had so far and I said he happens to be the cutest one too...

Turns out he is her boyfriend and has been for 10 years!! Yeah, I felt so embarrassed for the next 2 hours haha. She's going to tell him too! To 'boost his ego' lol. How evil is that? Haha. Gosh, I couldn't look at her fully without feeling embarrassed, so it is a really good thing I am not back at college until the 1st of November. So as well as being name twins, we have a similar-ish taste in what guys are good looking. Weird lol.

God I am so bored without being able to waste my life online. I've actually done tons of revision I don't even need to do simply because there is nothing else to do. I wonder how the hell we survived without the Internet! What did humans do without computers? Can't remember? Nor can I.

I miss reading all your blogs. They used to keep me busy and they interested me since I have a boring life lol. I guess I can use my free time and week off college to work out, lose 7lbs and study before Halloween. I have the doctors on the 3rd too so I need to lose weight before then because my crazy brain tells me I need to.

Oh the pin thin. I typed D instead of F haha. My pin is 22e3f734. I should pay more attention lol.

I hope you are ll well and hopefully I will get a chance to read and comment on your lovely blogs at some point this weekend.

Sidenote: I have 100% attendance! This has never happened before. Especially not in high school! I feel so proud of me, especially since I am the only one with 100% attendance and 100% in being on time for all my lessons. I am doing higher maths too (which is just as easy may I add!) and staying in the same class with Richard. They are really good at understanding that it would be no easy feat to suddenly change classes and that with my anxiety etc. They've done the same with Alistair too which is nice.

Take care
xxxxxx

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Well, the weekend flew by!

Do you ever just want to tell someone to fuck off? That their 'problems' aren't even problems at all? It's so frustrating how you are meant to give a crap about their shit, yet they don't give the slightest damn about your problems. But yeah. I'm apparently meant to give a damn because you drove whilst drunk and broke your jaw.

Yeah. Not happening. Dickhead.

It's nice to be able to prove my French is great. ;) Surprisingly, I don't swear in real life.

It's my weigh in day tomorrow. I've decided it will just be on Mondays. It's kind of nice not to step on the scale everyday even though it is tempting to just get on them after a shower in the morning. Speaking of showers, I was just about to jump in it when I realised I hadn't blogged lol. Random bit of information for you all. :P

Somebody said they wanted my BBM pin and I can't remember who it was. Anyway, it's 22E3F734. It can be a tit sometimes so don't worry if I sometimes ignore your messages and that lol.

I haven't done my English essay/anthology thingy! I completely forgot about it until I went through my folders and realised I had done everything else but that! I have until Wednesday though so I can do it after I go shopping tomorrow. Shopping and Starbucks are just what a girl needs on a study day. ♥ ♥ I need to buy some more boots. I was going to buy my Converse and Vans this week but I have decided to wait for a week or two. Or until I reach a certain weight. I like the sound of the latter option actually.

Hmm... Do I actually have anything else to talk about? Well I always have something to talk about, I'm just not sure it is interesting lol. In 12 days I will be drinking alcohol for the first time in months and being a normal 18 year old! Not that I am a normal 18 year old.. But I actually can't wait to go out with my friends. Let's just hope I do nothing stupid again haha.

I was thinking this morning about weight and things. (Nothing new I guess.) I realised how much college scares me when it comes to my weight which sounds super dumb written down. But obviously I don't want to gain weight and have them see me at an higher weight (only Emma has seen me at my HW which is bad enough to think about!), but I sort of don't want them to see me at a really low weight. No idea why. It sort of makes me cringe and feel embarrassed just thinking about the fact they will most likely see me at a lower weight. But on the other hand, I don't want them to see me at this weight. I have a messed up way of thinking right? The fact they could see me at an higher weight/will probably see me at a lower weight scares me though.

And I've just broken my laptop charger. Fantastic! *insert angry words* For the love of God!

Enjoy your Sunday
Take care
xxxx

Friday, 14 October 2011

Hello 300 people...

My followers finally isn't on a odd amount lol. I hate odd numbers unless it's a multiple of 3 or dividable by 3 for example... Don't ask. :P It's strange because my actual favourite number is 4 lol. It's kind of why I like living at apartment number 44.

I haven't blogged in days!Actually, I haven't even been online in a while which is a little shocking. At least I have a few days where I can (hopefully) be online more.

Have I mentioned how much I love Shakespeare? Like, if he was alive, I could possibly be tempted to marry the guy. xD We're not doing Shakespeare at college until after Christmas and the New Year which was a bummer to learn. We are doing anthology or something at the moment, which isn't the worst thing I guess. Still, she said we were doing Romeo and Juliet. *sulky pout* Back to Shakespeare. I've got Hamlet, Othello, Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet to read. It should make for a good weekend/few days reading. I've got to pick up a James Patterson book and Lord of The Flies from WHSmith tomorrow too.

[Have you noticed I am a book worm?]

I didn't weigh myself this morning! I meant to, but it totally slipped my mind and I set off for college instead. I'm going to stick to the days I said I'd weigh myself though. Still, how do you forget to weigh yourself?

Our sub Science teacher is so nice. And cute. Very cute! Plus Science is actually really interesting again. I wish he was going to be our teacher for the rest of the year but alas, I don't think he is going to be.
Tim sort of left! I feel kind of bad because the main reason he left was because 'students' complained he wasn't doing his job properly... Me and my friend were them 'students'. xD Thank God he is gone though. He's actually been teaching us the wrong shit (Human Biology) since term started and now we have to catch up with 5 weeks of Physics. Yay!

Oh, I'm a student rep now. Yeah. One of the two that were meant to be doing it from our class has left the course and L is on holiday. Since nobody else was volunteering to go to the training on Tuesday, I sort of said I would. I have no idea why I said I would though. I get a certificate at the end of the year though which is cool. Plus if I like it, I might do it again next year and during the 2 years of A levels. Adam, the (hot lol) student liaison officer is the main guy we'll be doing our training with though. I've just noticed there is too many good looking tutors and people in my college! The entire blog will be about cute tutors/students before long haha.

I feel I have loads to say since I haven't updated in days, and yet I can't think of much off of the top of my head.

I won't get my English test results back until after half term. I've got such a bad feeling I'll do worse in this than the mocks. I better not. I hope I don't. See, waiting for results back makes me nervous and then I over analyze it and send myself crazy. Plus, Emma has to mark it and then Christine or 1 of the 2 other English teachers has to check it and make sure she has marked it right. I just want my results lol.

I'm going to stop writing because I got most of it out I think. I also have a lot of homework to complete too. :/ On a random side note, thank goodness Blackberry is working again! I don't care so much about BBM, it's the emailing part I was more bothered about. It didn't bother me per say because I was highly glad not to get all the stupid broadcasts from people, but it is nice that people don't have to moan about it not working anymore.

Take care
xxxx

Monday, 10 October 2011

Whatever you want to call this

All I've done today is work out. Work out, work out, work out.

And complain. :P

Me and a ED friend are so good at complaining about the ED and people and the NHS... We are just good at complaining in general lol. Plus, complaining on a Monday is pretty much mandatory as many of you know. Or should know.

I'm glad I am not the only one who starts thinking "I need to lose as much weight in a tiny period." Well not glad obviously, but I feel slightly less weird about it now. It's so frustrating though to push yourself to lose X amount of pounds in X amount of days. 18 in 18 for example. At least Halloween will be fun when the actual day arrives.

Last night I realised I did some of my real English exam wrong. :/ Thank God I have an hour on Wednesday where I can re-write it and correct the errors. At least I seem to have a really good ability to write fast and it still be readable lol. I am so obsessive about my handwriting. I can't stand to have any errors on whatever I am writing. It just drives me insane! I guess that is why I sort of prefer typing things up. I'm so frustrated that I didn't realise until last night though! I am so glad Emma broke the 2 hours into two parts. Frustrated, but really glad. 

I have Science in the morning which I really can't be arsed with. Last Tuesday we ended up getting into the discussion of suicide since when he worked in a college in Huddersfield, he saw somebody who had jumped from a higher floor, go past his window. So that was such a positive subject to be discussing.

Whatever. I'm just over thinking now and annoying myself.

Take care
xxxx

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Halloween

I've been getting Halloween plans in order tonight because I have quite a few. I'm out on the 28th, 31st and 1st, then my friend is having a birthday party on the 30th. It's so many parties. :/

I've decided I shall be a skeleton just for the irony. ;) Though I feel I need to lose at least 10lbs before I can consider wearing it. Halloween costumes and meet ups in general always trigger me into 'lose as much weight as possible' mode which probably isn't good...

Actually I am in the same kind of 'mode' when it comes to college. I only have another 2 weeks left before we get a week off and all I can focus on is
"How much weight can I lose before the 1st of November?"
It's so stupid. I hate the ED mindset at times. It almost becomes a competition of finding out how much weight you can lose in the smallest amount of time. "/ Sigh.

Anyway, it has been a pretty good day. I ended up not eating, though I didn't even notice. My friend pointed it out which is slightly annoying because they don't notice when I fast for 14+ days but notice when I don't eat for 1 day. He hadn't eaten either which made it annoying but ya know. I still like him haha.

I think my doctor and the PMHT are meant to be writing to me. I think. I so was not listening when that woman called me. I really hate talking on the phone unless it is to certain people because of my anxiety, so I tend to just give short answers and then realise I didn't even listen to what they said fully. I don't fully see the point in my doctor writing to me though and sending it in the post. I live pretty much next door to the surgery so it would take less time to just post it through my letterbox haha.

I hope you have all had a lovely weekend and I now have a billion blogs to read and twice as many comments to reply to. ;)

Oooh! Did I mention I have decided I will only weigh myself on Tuesday and Fridays? I don't think I did actually. I mentioned it somewhere on the internet though. So yeah. That is my new challenge.

Take care
xxxx

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Time just drags

Today is going so slowly. I am impossibly bored.
I might download some songs or do some more revision. Or both. Or neither? I don't know yet.

I feel so stuffed! I got dinner with my friends earlier on. I got a veggie burger and fries whilst they got meat versions, and it was disgusting! That isn't even the ED part of me talking, it was genuinely horrible. The best part was probably the bread haha. xD

I don't have much to say. :/ It's not really been an interesting day.

I want to fast.
I want to work out too but my friend is here watching The X Factor that I am shamelessly recording. :P
I'm ignoring it and listening to Evanescence though lol.

I hope everyone is having a much more interesting evening than I am.

Take care
xxxx

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Rain and tests

Both test went well today. Maths was simple and English was easy. I got 2 pages done in 1hr which isn't bad and we complete it on Wednesday. Hopefully I do better in it since it's the real one and it would slightly suck to have done better in the mock one lol.

Me and two other girls in my class went down to the canteen before English since we got out of Maths 25 minutes early and heading back up to the fourth floor, we got in the same lift as Emma. Well she got in the same lift as us lol. It's always awkward in elevators because it is so silent and when things get awkward, I always want to laugh! I was trying so hard not to burst into a random fit of laughter and so was R.

Question: Have you ever felt that somebody who knows about your ED, gives you a mental pat on the back when they see you eating? I felt that is what Emma did on the way to class and it totally put me off wanting to eat. I ended up putting what I was eating in the bin.

Invisible_Ninja: The weather was (or rather is) terrible! I had just got on the bus this morning and it completely poured it down! I must of got caught in it like, 3 times though. So annoying. I didn't even take a coat haha.

LilyZara: Don't worry. English isn't my only favourite lesson. I like the fact I can actually show off in Maths so they are a tie. ;) I still love Maths.

Science is cancelled tomorrow which is a pain in the arse! In the last 4 weeks, we have only done 3 lessons out of 8. He's switched from Human Biology to Physics too which makes no sense at all. I wish I could fire him. That would completely make my day.

Going back to Maths, he's having a baby! Well his wife is but that isn't the point! He doesn't even look old enough to be married never mind have a child. It's so weird. He's leaving in a couple of weeks for a little while when his wife has the baby, which means we'll get a new tutor for a few weeks.

Blogger has stolen the list of blogs I follow again.

This is probably tmi, but I have become an expert at holding in explosive poop curtsy of laxatives. xD It actually makes me slightly smile to myself writing that down because it looks so funny haha!

Tonight's plan.

  • I have Maths homework to do. I've got until Wednesday to do it though.
  • I'm going to revise Science stuff. I took out books on Physics from the library.
  • I need to get together the books to take back to the library to take back out tomorrow.
  • Cycle because I am not going out in that rain.
  • Wash the hair because thanks to the rain, it smells rank lol.
Take care
xxxx

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Happiness is actually great

I got 13 out of 15 on my mock English test. It would have been 14 out of 15 but I forgot a set of speech marks lol. But that mark is still equivalent to A-A* which is amazing since English was never a favourite lesson of mine. I now actually love it and like the fact we are starting Shakespeare next week. Plus I got the highest mark in the entire class. Everyone else got below a 10 so I'm actually really, really happy. :D We do our real assignment tomorrow which hopefully I can get an higher grade on. I just need to keep my grades consistent at 13-15 in each assignment (we have 5 or 6 before our main exam next year) and I'll actually get A or A* granted the main exam goes well too.

I'm going to see if Richard will let me self tutor myself on certain things in Maths so that I can do higher tier Maths without having to switch classes. If I switch classes it means I am not with my friends and I'd have to switch ICT and things to do with another set which I am not doing. If he says no I'll just do higher Maths next year, but he's letting another kid do it and Alistair is dyslexic and not fantastic at Maths so I hope he'll let me do it. I'll ask him after our test in Maths tomorrow. It's only stuff like surds, trigonometry and a few other things I'd have to do since he doesn't teach the entire class that. Easy peasy stuff lol.

So yeah. College is going really well. I love English lol. Just throwing it out there. :P

I do have non related college things to write about haha. The ED and treatment from places is just impossible so I'd rather not talk about that. It's too frustrating. Um, I bought more laxatives today and at this rate I think they qualify as a food group haha. ;) It's not good but what can you do about it? Rhetorical question by the way.

I don't know what to write. I'm just actually pretty happy which I have stated too many times already. I think I am going to go for a quick run in a little while, come back and study for tomorrow, comment on blogs and enjoy my evening. I was going to go to the gym but I won't have enough time to do that and study as well. I could always do some cycling. I still haven't gotten around to taking photos of my hair but I will do before the week is out.

Have a good evening. :)
Take care.
xxxx

Monday, 3 October 2011

Motivated for October

I'm actually confident this month is going to go well. It's going to be a month of me ignoring the fact people know about the ED and just getting on with it because I do still give up with working on it for now.

It's Halloween at the end of the month and I've decided I am going to do something with my friends, get drunk and ignore the fact I will have college the day after. :P It's about time I was more social haha.

Onto the weekend. It wasn't too bad actually (well after Saturday it was alright) and with PT been down for most of it, I actually got all my homework done. Actually, I studied things I didn't need to simply because I was bored! You don't realise how much time you spend on the internet until the site goes down or something. Plus it makes you realise how much you actually depend on it and that isn't good. You shouldn't have to rely on a site for anything.

Today is my study day and I have done everything but study. :P Thanks to the cooler weather (Thank God!), I've actually been more inclined to exercise more. Yeah, I have the habit of exercising way too much, but it improves my mood so much.

Take care
xxxx

Saturday, 1 October 2011

1st of October

I was going to blog last night but I saw no point. It would only have been full of pointless shit and even though it probably will be now, at least it isn't completely angry pointless shit lol.

That woman called back yesterday and... Yeah. It's frustrating and I was kind of beyond pissed when I was talking to her and she said she hadn't even spoken to my doctor but she will write to him that day instead and some other useless stuff that I ignored since I had zoned out after she said she hadn't attempted to call my doctor. Plus I was in class (on a break) when I was talking to her and I wanted to avoid feeling like I wanted to go on a murdering spree. So, fantastic. *rolls eyes* It made a pretty bad day even worse and blah.


I don't know. I give up (on the sorting it out thing, not life). All I can think is, "What's the point?" I don't know. It just seems bloody ridiculous that I'd most likely receive whatever crap I need if I weighed less because we all know it's weight that matters most to a lot of 'professionals'. I don't know.


I always defend the NHS and the people who work for it, but I actually realise how them opinions slightly change when it is you they piss off. It's not so much the people who work for the NHS that have annoyed me because my doctor is lovely and she wasn't that bad, it's the fact that the entire system is over-run with overpaid suits who have fucked the entire thing up. It's the fact that weight plays such an important role in the amount of help you get from them because we all know if we had that all important BMI of 17.5, things would be completely different. It's the fact that the only eating disorder that ever receives enough help/attention is anorexia nervosa. Well, you know what AN, go die in a fucking hole! Out of all the eating disorders, anorexia is the least common one, yet it's treated like it is the only one that matters. And doctors and others wonder why people are not honest with them about things like eating disorder. We have regular Einsteins working as doctors all over the world now don't we?


So much for this post not including completely angry stuff lol. I hate being angry and frustrated. Especially when it's with things related to this because it makes me want to be self destructive in one way or another. Not that I care to be honest, but you know. I do care... Sort of.


Anyway, more positive things. Did I say that the other day I broke the 130's? I don't think I did you know. But yeah, go me. I realised whilst I was sat in my podcasting lesson yesterday (it was actually sort of interesting), that if I lose another 16lbs, I will have lost 50lbs since the 21st of July. I've lost 34lbs since that point so far. Not sure if that is positive, but it's much better than my ranting. ;)


I have tests next week in English, Science and I think Maths? I am already thinking of something to write about in English that includes the things we need to include to get the marks. I'm actually not going to write something based on medicine or eating disorders. :O Shock horror right? But they will all be easy apart from the Science one because the useless old fart doesn't teach is anything of use. He just gets us to copy down the answers onto worksheets that he gives us which is utterly pointless. I've taken to checking out books from the library band educating myself on General Science and Human Biology. I've got to say, I learn more from the books than I do from that twit of a man. Science is actually the best thing I did in school and he's completely ruined that one for me.


So it is the 1st of October. Eek! I get a week off in around 3 weeks which will be so nice because I won't have to wake up so early. :P College is officially killing my gym time which isn't good. I need to get back into running more often too once the weather cools down a little. Until then, I am destined to sticking to too much walking because of crappy traffic and cycling etc.


Enjoy this unusual sunny Saturday. :)
Take care
xxx