Friday, 2 September 2011

The second

Don't you just hate it when somebody is eating something and you aren't? Two of my friends are eating (one is having fish and chips and the other is having burger and fries) and it's driving me mad because I am not. Clever me said I had eaten already simply because I am sick of this plateau.

I ended up getting no sleep last night or even the chance to catch an hour this afternoon. Insomnia will be the death of me to be honest. I am so glad my doctor is kind of open to sleeping tablets. :D Any doctor who is happy to give out tablets is worth his weight in gold. ;) I'm kidding... I don't think I'd ever take them, though it is highly tempting with college coming up.. I don't know. I'm so, like, anti medication for most stuff. Like when it comes to depression, I personally would rather talk to someone rather than take medication for it. In my opinion it is better to let everything out and work on the issues than it is to just hide the problem with medication. That's just for myself though.

I need to really buy some new jeans. Jeans shopping is always stressful but my belt isn't going to go any further than the third hole with these jeans lol. I should be sort of happy about needing new jeans, but I don't feel any smaller than I was when I bought these jeans. Nearly a 30lbs difference and I just don't see it. I think at times the BDD is worse than the ED when it comes to actually seeing how you really look.

I'm just rambling now.
I hope you have all had lovely days. :)

Take care


  1. I used to think the same about pills, but now I wish I could get hold of some!
    BDD is a bummer - you work so hard, but can't see the difference! :P
    Just think how much thinner you'll be without the chips :)
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x

  2. Just be careful if you do decide to try sleep meds. Most of them are only meant for short-term use, like a week or so. I took Ambien and after a while it stops working (plus I would eat without remembering it) so you can barely sleep with it but can't sleep at all without it. I know it's rough, but ultimately you'll probably have an easier time doing it au naturale.

  3. When people are eating and I'm not, it drives me mad. Even if I don't like the food haha. It's just sitting there whilst they are eating and hearing/smelling it. Nothing worse than listening to people eat.
    I'm similar with tablets. I think for me though, it's more of the fact that it makes me realise more that I have problems? I dunno.

    Good luck with the jean hunting. :)

  4. oh i hate that. my boyfriend eats in front of me all the time and i usually end up giving in and having some of his food. im having sleeping troubles too. im just always tired all the time. the dr gave me sleeping tablets but i used them all and now im scared to ask for more. i say get them and if you really need to take one then u will have them just incase. take care lovely. xo

  5. I completely understand with the whole not eating while your friends are thing. My sister came over the other day and brought me McDonalds - a ranch snack wrap and a chocolate milkshake. In the old days I would have jumped on that but I kindly told her that I was feeling sick and instead just sip on my tea. She was sad, but when she started slurping her milkshake and eating french fries my insides were screaming. I just wanted to binge on all the greasy fatty things. But, it is so worth it to lose weight. Nothing tastes as good...

    I do hope you are doing well. I have certainly found a friend in you. Let's stay in touch! <3

  6. I'm the same with the anti-meds, medication just cover up the problem, they dont fix it. my old docs used to always give me meds for *everything*. "Oh, you can't eat. here, have some appetite enhancers?" jshlcuiadnhakidv. lol. still, in the short run (until you get to the source of the problem of why you can't sleep) it might be a good thing to get some sleeping pills. especially with college coming up?

    I cannot stand jeans shopping, they can't be too lose or too baggy on my waist, but they have to be baggy on my legs, and they have to be long enough - and i hate belts. i have 1 perfect pair at home so i feel your stress. sorry though, that you can't see the difference in weight, i think the BDD can be worse as it causes the ED to worsen you know? Like, you get to a Goal Weight, you look no different (to yourself) and so you lose more weight etc etc.

    anyways, sorry for rambling as well. hope you have a good day and got some sleep last night (:


  7. BDD is absolutely the worst. At 112, I couldn't tell the difference between my forearm and that of my obese, 6'5'' male teacher. Clearly there was a HUGE difference.

    All of which is to say, I'm sure that to the rest of the world you're incredibly thin and beautiful. I hope you get some rest soon :)