Monday, 31 January 2011

End of Jan

I've not really blogged this month. For the most of it I have ever been at college, at a party or ill lol. Yay to January. On the plus side though I did turn 18 :) And go from 148.8lbs to 132.6lbs. And fast for 16 days. It hasn't been a bad month. Even if I did end up having an IV drip lol. And strange hair colours for a wee while haha. I skipped college today to go ice skating with my friends. I shouldn't have done it. Karma grabbed my arse whilst there. This kid decided to fall over in front of me and Krissii went BAM! I had forgotton how much that ice hurts. And it burns. I hate kids. I am going to just skate over one next time. :D I have college again tomorrow and it's the 1st of February. Can't believe a month of the new year as gone already! Ugh I'm gonna stop writing and go get a shower. I'm cold and hungry and my hand hurts. I nickname today Moaning Monday. Take care xoxox

Friday, 21 January 2011

Friday 21st

Today has been good. Just going into day 7 of my fast. Is it 7 or 6? It's 7. I'm losing my memory lol. Actuallly I am just tired. I feel like I have done so much this week, but really all I have done is get a schedule back in my life. Now I remember why I used to be tired after high school lol. You do barely anything and it tires you out. I only had college for an hour today which was great. I don't have to go in until 2pm on Monday either which is a bit of a bonus. There was no way I was sitting all day in a classroom with just 2 hours sleep and most likely a belly still full of alcohol. On the downside I have to go to the doctors for 9am. Such a bummer! I have to have blood tests which require a minimum of 12 hours fasting, but I wasn't intending on eating anyway. I wonder if my doctor will actually talk to me and tell me what the results are this time. He has never done that and I have been having these every two months from last February. *Rolls eyes* *belly grumbles* ^ Don't you just hate it when your stomach does that? Especially in a quiet room with other people. It is so embarrassing. Especially when it's not even because you are hungry. Like gahh!! I hate the fact people assume you are hungry or haven't eaten. But anyway. I might be getting my hair cut on Monday. I don't really want to, but I haven't had it cut in over a year and I am assuming I need a wee bit off. Not lots though. The last time I went she cut around 4 inches off. I was devastated! So I think I might do a little bit of googling, try and choose a hairstyle and then go to bed because it is going to be a long weekend. Night Take care. xoxox

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Quick update

College is going good. Alex is my permanent tutor from Monday. I'm glad in a way because I hate meeting new people and having to do all the getting to know people thing. It'll be fine. I thinkies. It's my birthday on Sunday. I'm sort of excited now. Sort of. A weekend of drinking and then college on Monday. Oh fun. I actually have to wake up at 6am to get ready for college so I hope I don't get in too late. I want to be a semi responsible adult. ;) I doubt I will be because my friends are a bad influence (yes I'm using them as an excuse lol), so will probably be a weekend I don't want to describe back to you guys. xD I should be going out right now to buy some jeans and a jacket and shoes. If I don't go now, I never will. So have a good day. :) Oh and I finally get to read blogs later on. It's about time! Take care. xoxox

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

It's only 22:33

And I am shattered. I can't imagine how I will be feeling once I start going back to the gym (February 3rd). I'll probably drop dead lol. I swear it is all the running up and down the stairs at college. It's tiring and one day I will fall lol. Though they have CCTV so that could be embarrassing lol. I'll be on my 4th day fasting in just over 1hr. I don't feel like I am fasting though. I've gone from 144.6lbs(?) to 139.8lbs. I cannot believe I actually let myself gain so much over the holidays. It is quite depressing actually. And is it wrong to want to beat my old 18 day fasting record? Well not record but... You know what I mean. OH! Did I mention I have Alex as a tutor sort of thing again? That was such an epic face palm moment. Word of advice; being friends with somebody who is teaching you is kind of weird. It's so... Just weird! It's hard to get your head around it. At least for me anyway. I dislike the fact he knows my eating pattern is so studgy. Is that a word? If not it is now. Thankfully Nez doesn't. He's actually called something like Neeam or something. I cannot remember. All I remember is I never talked to him when I went there before. :P But anyway. Have you ever had that thought where you sort of want somebody to notice how messed up you are? I keep feeling this and then 2 minutes later I think I am crazy for thinking it. The thought of telling somebody terrifies me. I just... I have no problem admitting it on here or PT for example, but in real life... I would poop myself. I'd just have to lock myself in the bathroom. I seem to have lots to want to write today. It's a first. Blogging is coming back to me :D I am getting my tattoos and piercings once I have next donated blood! I'm getting so excited and motivated since I want micro dermals on my hip and where my rib is. I'm dragging my friend along to take photographs lol. I have to save up first. I think it is something like £145 just for 4 micro dermals, though I have heard from some friends in the US and Canada that they pay like up to $120 for one? I thought that was madness! But since I am getting mine done at the same place I normally go to, I'm getting them done all together and then going to college. I am slightly mad but it is cool. :) I've accepted it. So I think at the end of February, beginning of March is when I can get them. I'm too much of a dedicated blood donor to get them now lol. I get new glasses next week too. New hair colour, new glasses... And new shoes :) What more could a girl ask for? Oh and thank you guys for the comments on my hair the other day. My hair always seems to get compliments. I find it so strange. It's almost the same colour as Alex's, but his is a wee bit darker. Okay I am not talking about him anymore. People will starting thinkings things and we shouldn't enter that topic. Soo swiftly moving on and I have nothing to say haha. Oh what a fantastic subject to end on. Umm I need something different to end this on. *thinks* I don't have to be at college until 11:30am? No um... Ooh Saturday/Sunday. It's a bit iffy and kind of a fail. Great 18th right? But short end of the story I was meant to be going to my older cousins with our friends and there is going to be kids and family members there. I so am not drinking when kids and the rest of my family are there. I'd rather spend my birthday on PT, in bed. It's such a fricking fail. Fingers crossed it gets sorted out by then "/ I am still not eating the crap though. So nighty night. Take care xoxox

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Thee weekend

It has been pretty good to me. Calorie wise and everything else. I think it is a first to be honest. But I think it has something to do with not feeling good. Have you ever noticed that throwing up because of being poorly feels so different compared to purging? I find it so weird throwing up because my body needs to. Maybe it is because I am rarely ill? I have college or whatever it is tomorrow. Sigh. I don't want to go, so I expect one of you guys to come and save me! I don't want to do it. It better be interesting or at least have a good looking tutor like my last course did. I actually still talk to that guy regularly, but that is a different story and not in that way people. Sigh. I sigh a lot don't I? Oh well haha. I started writing this two hours ago and still haven't finished it. Nor started getting stuff together for tomorrow afternoon. Fml. I have to wash my hair tonight because it goes weird if I wash and straighten it and then wear it down. Maybe I obsess too much over my hair. I have a slight feeling I do. So to put off the shower even longer and all that stuff I will talk about my holiday next year. Or what I hope will be an holiday. As a lot of people probably figured out by now, I don't do family much. Not my thing. But we are trying to see if a small amount of us can all go on holiday next year. A big thing is because my uncle and grandad and aunt can drive. I can't and would probably freak out to drive in any country that drives on the wrong side of the road! Anyway I did suggest I wanted to go to Eygpt but they suggested Florida. I don't fancy spending 2 weeks in a country that it won't be legal for me to drink in. Plus it's so... kiddy. I don't mind theme or waterparks but I don't want to be in Disney freaking Land. And the youngest would only be like nearly 16... I want to go to Crete. It was gorgeous when I went before. I'm rambling and it's been 3 hours since I started this and in 12 hours I will be doomed so i best go and get a shower and that. Sigh. Have a good start to the week. For some reason I though today (tomorrow) was Wednesday. I've lost it. Night xoxox

Friday, 14 January 2011

Hair :/ [Beware lol]

From the beginning
Red Hair
Pre-lightening attempt number 1! (Urm... Yuck much? Looks like I've let hair dye just fade out of blonde hair haha.)
Pre-lightening attempt number 2! (GaGa inspired ♥ Took effort getting them knots out though :)
Boredom!! (and hiding the horrible hair colours lol)
Hair dye attempt number 1 (two bottles and still got a shade of red in it :@ Ps, the hair is only that bushy cos I was puffing it up with my brush lol)

Final hair dye attempt

And me just being cute cos I am good at that haha :D

Righto. I am going to go to bed now since it is past 7am! And yes. I am aware of the lack of make up in each photgraph. A girl sometimes just can't be bothered ;]

Thursday, 13 January 2011

I'm back

I mean it this time :) Since I will actually start doing more things soon, I'll have things to talk about. *long break* Right I am back. Hair dye firmly on my head. This is the 5th and 6th bottle in the space of around 7 days? I'm suprised my hair is still on my head. It won't be my eating disorder that makes it terrible, it'll be my addiction to living in hair dye *Big grin* This is still gooing really slow in my opinion. I think we are on the 13th? It feels like I have been in 2011 for a couple of months now. Maybe it's because I haven't really done much. Time always seems to drag when you aren't out and about I guess. I am starting this college course again on Monday though. Not what I wanted to do, but I guess I have to. What a nice early birthday present. I don't even know what course I am doing! It all gets decided on Monday, which I am not looking forward to, but it'll give my day some structure I guess and keep my brain working. I am starting to get a little dim which is not good :P I should go and wash this dye off and hope to God that the red is finally fully gone. But! I will blog again and not leave it for like... Weeks! Take Care xoXox

Monday, 3 January 2011

New year and all that...

I think this has got to be the slowest start to a year ever. I mean it's the third day. I woke up thinking it was at least Tuesday. It's always weird when Christmas and New Year fall on a weekend. Anyway. I feel like a zombie. I need somebody to hit me in the face or something so I can sleep haha. Any takers? I need to try and sleep more. It's not fun getting tired at like 4pm or something and then being all moody and things until later at night when you feel awake. A little side note. Does anyone else get annoyed at getting notifications on Facebook every time someone sends a stupid game request? It annoys me to go on Facebook after a few days to have 900 million requests from saddos that play Farmville. Pfft. Other things that annoy me right now are people on Facebook that have EDs but expect everyone else with an ED to be recovering with them. Like hello? Like I have seen 4 arguments already with people having a go with another girl just because she flips between recovering and relapsing. She isn't in 'proper' recovery I guess because 700 calories a day isn't healthy but there still isn't a need to flip out on her ass. Facebook tends to annoys me in case you haven't realised lol. 63.59kg is what I started the year at. That is so depressing but I'll get on with it like always. Holidays are terrible especially when you spend nearly every night out or drinking or some other thing. After tonight I need time to detox until at least the 21st. Then from the 25th I am staying tee total haha ;) We all say that though don't we? I am going to try at the very least. I could do with a good fast. I really miss fasting but whenever I plan to fast or do something I do the opposite or just can't stick to it. I don't know why but I think my mind is just too rebellious. It as to go against everything planned. Hope you lot have had a good start to the year :) Much Love Take care xoXox