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Saturday, 31 July 2010

I guess

I should update this. Boring thing is I have nothing to update it with. Blah blah blah not really eaten since Tuesday. Blah blah blah not being to the gym since Wednesday I think it was. Blah blah blah I babysat last night. Blah blah blah I lost nearly 4lbs. Blah blah blah.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Just going to ramble

I didn't update for like 2 days well one since this is late night. My life hasn't taken an interesting route or anything. It's been pretty dull tbh. I've spent most of it in bed on my laptop (cos I is lazy) or lounging in my pjs. I haven't been that lazy though. I do change my pjs and get a shower twice a day. I'm not that lazy lol. Eating just isn't happening atm either. Kind of annoying but quite interesting too ;) I'm rarely ill so I'm going with it atm. Feel like hitting the gym semi-hard tomorrow so I shall go :) Ugh if my iPod decides to be a randomer again I am going to... well I can't hurt it. I'd die without it. Bit of drama on Facebook of a sort though. My friend of a sort that is Caitlin. Actually I don't care for her much... but anyway she's engaged. She's 3 months older than me, living on the same street as all her family and no job. She flunked college saying she'll start again in September. Her fiance I know. I don't really like him. They are neither 'hot' but so young. Even though we don't really talk anymore and are completely different (well in my case) than before last August when stopped in a sort being friends, I feel like she is throwing her life away. Ugh I hate caring about people so much. They can be total twats but there is always something there that makes me care. They want a kid. I want her to live her life. She doesn't really care about my opinion since she didn't tell me. It came up on Top News on Facebook. Sigh what can I do though? Me and Jenny did have a good laugh talking about it though xD Oh the ideas we came up with. It made me think how many people I used to hang around with simpily because she knew them had changed too. Suprisingly all of them bar two. I'm shocked. I understand like because I am not the same as I was nearly a year ago by no standard but I dunno. I expected my bubbly gobby friends haha. But I have new friends. Of a sort. Gah how depressing is growing up? It has to be done though. That being said... I have a wedding to look good for bahaha. Oh gosh lol. Anyhow that's been pretty much life. Apart from the Facebook games, funny chats on PrettyThin and a few compliments on my legs o.O haha. M L xoXox

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Phew!

I've spent most of my day playing COD and Grand Theft Auto and going on and off PrettyThin and Facebook. Apart from when I went to the gym. I actually dragged my ass to the gym even though I have the flu and tonsilitus. Flu in summer. Go figure. Don't ask how I got it cos I have no idea so probably the doctors tomorrow. Ugh I hate going to the doctors. I am never poorly so hardly go. Oh well I will grace them with my presence some time this week lol. Eating is going well since I have no appetite. Best part about being poorly tbh lol. I ate cereal without milk about 2 hours ago or something. It actually lasts longer when not in a bowl with milk. Think I'll try that more often since all the cereal in my house is under 150 calories. Only the Shreddies are above 112 cals. Well I'm making this short since I don't have the patience to write a long blog. I'm going back to playing my lame ass Facebook games haha. Funny how most of them are to do with food but hey they pass the hours xD M L xoXox

Saturday, 24 July 2010

I just signed my death card

Honest to freaking God I just did. Funny that God is in the first sentence since that is the thing that will kill me in... oh let's say 22 days? Why the heck did I not say no to his grandma? The thing is she's too sweet looking and it's hard to say no in general to old people but me, David and H agreed to go to church. Freaking church! And a Christian one at that!! Oh my gosh kill me now. And after that (torture) we are going to have lunch with her. Again shoot me dead! Best part of this whole situation is that me and H are going to a party. A huge one at that. A day with Christians after drinking so much. Seriously I am drinking more than I normally would. I can't believe I agreed to go to a CHRISTIAN church sober. I am fucked in the head I swear to heck I am. Anyway I don't have to worry too much about that until the middle of next month. Hey it's the same week I have to go and get weighed plus have a shit load of blood tests and this bone test again. Ugh go me. Maybe everything lumped in together is a good thing. Get rid of the crap and get on with the good. Then it's blood the month after a new glasses/contacts the month after that. Yay lol. Ugh. So today. It's been alright. Down 3lbs this week =/ Not really much but meh. I can deal with it. At least it isn't a gain lol. But I have a new plan anyway from tomorrow. And I have the gym tomorrow and every other day from then on too. So no biggie. I was babysitting earlier today with David. Oh so much fun. The kid lived on fruit pastels and Lucozade until I made him his dinner. Sugar rush or what? Jeez. But not my kid so who I am to judge. He was a funny little thing though. No persuaded me to have one though. Oh gosh no. My friends talking about marrying her boyfriend and having kids with him. They've been together like 3 weeks? Madness but if you are willing to put it around you deal with that shit. M L xoXox

Friday, 23 July 2010

SuPeRwOmAn

How annoying it is when people actually type like that? I had a conversation earlier with a school friend and every text message was written like that. I started to ignore her after a while. Anyhow. I ate last night. Under 500 like I think. I ate again today after planning to fast but I is okay with that. I think I had around like 700 calories when I went out earlier. I had soup and a tofu salad. And gym today. Finally getting that relationship back with that place. Today was pretty routine. I noticed of of H's friends who is mine but still, has a crush on this girl he works with. Quite fascinating to watch actually and oh so cute. Seems everyone is pairing up these days. What happened to being single and enjoying it? I think out out of the entire 2 groups of friends I have only around 4-6 are single. And nope have no chance pairing up xD Could be an interesting mix though... Think I am going to make the most of this weekend since next week and the week after are pretty chaotic. I'm not really looking forward to them but since the first week of August is mainly spent shopping and decorating both of which are passion of mine and burn calories haha I'm okay with it. The travelling is annoying though. Who would believe taking the bus places would take so long. I really need to take my driving lessons. Actually I need a provisional license first. Might get it in a few weeks... Uh like how I am already planning on spending my money that is yet to be paid into my bank account. Oh well. I have so much to buy really. So many things to sort out. Meh it'll be sorted very soon :) Ahh I should go to bed soon. I am soo tired but getting sick of laying there for hours. Blah. I also need to kick my sea salt addiction but it stops any unwanted cravings for salty food. It's a sort of win-win/lose-lose situation hehe. M L xoXox

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Dare I say it?

This week is actually going pretty great! Monday wasn't a bad day and I've been fasting since Tuesday. I went to the gym yesterday but had too many things to buy today so didn't go. I'm actually pretty happy right now. Gosh me and happy? Rare thing tbh with you. I'm actually a little bit overwhelmed at all the things I am doing these next few weeks. I am thinking about reapplying for college this September instead of next September. Plus side is when I go back to work I will never work mornings apart from weekends and holidays. I'd enjoy that a lot. Plus it would fill my days up. Gah I am exictable haha. I'm helping my friend move too. Baring in mind I am still sorting my place out since I like perfection. I'd don't really have much to do though. Have the paint the bathroom at some point... Anyhow he's pretty excited. I love how half of my friends live so close to me. It's cool since it;s the ones I like. Must admit the rent is slightly high but for a nice area it's worth it. City centre would be better though. Oh well. So yeah half the stuff I have done don't even warrant as exciting but I've enjoyed it. And it's been thought thinking. Going to apply to college next Thursday. Get Connexions to fill the form in haha. This time last year when I applied for the same course but decided to work instead I had a broken arm. Hopefully not this time hehe. M L xoXox

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Short and sweet

Today. Well I haven't done a thing and I don't intend to either. Don't get me wrong I am pretty happy and all but I am just lazing around and having a relaxing week. Well until tomorrow at least. Wednesday are always super busy fitting everything in. Especially the gym and travelling. Anyhoo. Getting sick of people on Facebook and such. You can't threaten ODing and shite. It's just kind of pathetic in my opinion. But I shant talk about them 'Challenged' people on there. Uh go figure. Day 1 of fasting is nearly over. Went faster than I expected or maybe that's because I stayed in bed watching tv until half past 1 o.O Not doing bad considering my previous 2 weeks >.> Like I said, short and sweet. M L xoXox

Monday, 19 July 2010

Long bleeding weekend

It's been a long weekend. My laptop stopped functioning like Friday evening/Saturday morning. I was kind of devasted because... well come on! How many of us actually go a day without going online even if just to say a quick "hello, I'm not dead!" Dell... well my gosh i am not allowing the colour of a laptop persuade me to buy it again. I am saving up for a Mac. My grandparents and Aunty are buying me a PC for christmas =/ but since it's Apple I am not too bothered haha. I had an Apple PC before. It was pretty good. And when it got repaired Apple did NOT wipe everything off memory. Enough of complaining... for now anyhow. Friday night I stayed at my friends. Actually I camped over at his place all weekend. Quite fun actually. Ate more than I wanted though. Ugh. And yes since this will be a longish post I will finally start complaining more about my weight. Seriously it is gross. Saturday we spent most of the day in town. I think we did Starbucks at least 3 times! Aye wow! Not sure i have ever gone that many times in one day. I think I have my caffiene addiction back =/ It was a pretty lazy weekend. I was averaging around 1100 calories a day :O I know. It's a lot but I like my friend and evidentally he likes eating haha. But new week and all. My binging track is behind me for now. Monday I had 750 calories. Blah but hey it wasn't a binge. I'm happy on that score. Y'know I can't even remember half of the weekend. I am pretty sure I had something quite important to remember but I can't. *Shrugs shoulders* I have had my friend bugging me all night about her boyfriend. Seriously fyi: I don't care! You didn't when I was dating David and now you are dating somebody nicknamed "Bruiser" Oh my gosh! I've just seen the Facebook pictures of him :O I know him. Ohmygosh Steven what the hell?? I'm in shock. And not a chance in rats hell would I go out with his brother or cousin! Sure good looking but a typical (that side of Leeds) boy. Nash no chance. Ew ew ew!! So onto normal things to try and cleanse my brain... I'm back to the gym on Wednesday. I never stay very long on a Wednesday since I have to go grocery shopping and the sort. I hate having to waste money lol. I'd rather just go and buy bare essentials but since I always have people over... It's harder. But fasting tomorrow. Hopefully it goes okay. I am actually quite fat = Onto Monday. Ah fook this entire blog is a maze. I can't figure anything out. Maybe I should just quit and reblog tomorrow when it all makes sense. I actually think that's the best idea. M L xoXox

Friday, 16 July 2010

Why do I insist on self destructing?

At first I thought it was PrettyThin and the sort so I stayed away from basically everything online and yet here I am still fucking pressing that button! Must it always be like this? I can't even be normal with my friends. Argh! I need to scream or punch something. I can't believe how sucky this situation is. And I can't believe how much I moan? Like since when did that happen?? I rarely moan at anything. Well okay sometimes I do but nobody is perfect haha. I mean imagine a world where nobody moaned. That would be so dull tbh. I mean like no complaining about anything. Jeez I'm not too sure I would like that world. But anyway today has been meh! Pretty half and half. Gym for less than a year. Year? I mean hour. I think this means I need sleep. Sleep. I spent most of the day apart from that watching Ellen Degeneres shows on YouTube. Funny woman. Not too ugly either. Eww now did I really just say that? Gosh I do need sleep. I had a bit of drama with friends earlier. Seriously they need more of a life and stop getting involved in mine. Why do people do that? I mean seriously. Is your life so uninteresting that you need to get involved in everyone elses? Blah. I don't do females. I mean not literally but you know what I am saying like or rather I hope so. Meh who cares? Gym for a year, Ellen Degeneres, females... this is getting into one big bad thing. Dentist very soon... Oh fuck! M L xoXox

Thursday's crap

Yesterday was just *pukes* I can't do this normal thing. I just can't. How do people eat normal again? I can give you an healthy regular 2000 calories diet. I can tell you everything that is healthy but I just can't do it myself ='( and it sucks. Sighs. Normality is a long way away from here. Scary thought too. M L xoXox

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Finally in the future again o.O

I hate catch ups. It's annoying. At least I am writing about the day I am living in this time. Semi good thing I guess. Quote of the day: "You have enemies? Good. It means you actually stood up for yourself" -Eminem. That guys talking a lot of sense lately. Or maybe it's because I am paying more attention to things lately. Either way Eminem is my new thing. He looks not bad with brown hair too. Blonde made him look like a pratt. And his and Rihanna's new song = ♥ ♥ Anyway. I got fucking soaked! Like honest to God soaked! I was being healthy and all and went to the gym with H and the heavens above just opened up and poured it down before we both went to do our shopping. Not seen rain like this since last year like. I do like the rain though... just not when I am wearing a vest and trackie bottoms. Which reminds me I went shopping earlier for gym gear to kill the time. A few people nearly got murdered since they don't know the meanings of "get the heck out of my way" and "move your fat arse and stop bumping me!" Why do people do that? I meant they seem to think that they own the pavement or top of the elevators. Seriously you need to move them wide loads and go and hang out in McDonalds where you are normally found xD But yeah the rain has gotten to me. I'm so tired and still have to wait for H to come back. And the stupid lottery. Grr why do I buy stupid tickets when I will never win? Ah it's that little thing called "Hope" us humans use. We are funny little creatures aren't we? I'd rather H not stay but it's just one of those things. I rather sit alone and be depressed rather than act and pretend I'm... what's that word... Okay? Can you believe I never did Drama at school past year 8 or 9 and am this great at it? Bloody talented I am. Gosh I am so tired and need to get a shower. 3 showers in one day not including the rainfall ;) haha. I can't even be bothered to check PrettyThin... or blog anymore. So yeah I am not very interesting am I? I mean I'm not normally anyway but at least I write about the entire day. I just don't know anymore. On the plus side I've been discussing university all day with H even though it's a year or 2 away =/ Oh wow =O My stupid Honesty Box on Facebook asked a question a few months back saying "If I died tomorrow, what would you tell me today?" Somebody put "That you are worth more than stupid ED!" Wow. I don't know anything anymore. Like who wrote that? Ugh why doesn't it tell me?? Seriously my head is messed up atm. M L xoXox

And it was like BAMN!

This is still Tuesday btw hehe. I was in town in the late afternoon/evening. I decided to go for a walk since I live quite close to the city centre. It's pretty annoying sometimes like since students live close but hey most are hot so it's not too bad. Back to the point anyway. I saw a friend in there and he came over. In my mind I thought "Just ignore me. Please. Or shoot me..." but nah! He came straight over and hugged me. Like whoa! He said I was lovely and cuddley. Like wtf? Seriously? I know he didn't mean it as an insult but like wtf? That was a serious downer. We got a glass or two of wine and chatted. I don't appear my normal self apparently. No shit Sherlock you just said I was cuddley! But we talked things through. I left feeling semi normal. We bussed it back. Ugh I hate getting the bus later at night. It's either too crowed or desserted. The latter isn't too bad in fairness. If it's crowded it's always too warm even if it's cold out. That's not a comfortable environment to me. I am the type of person to get off and catch the next or walk lol. But blah. That comment was a snack in the face =/ M L xoXox

I'm broken

Like seriously. I don't even know what is up. Ugh I can't stand this cos I'm not too sure what is wrong. Soo Tuesday. It was a pretty bland day tbh. Was kind of feeling the effects from the 2 days drinking. Went to the gym for like 2 hours but the time spent on the treadmill almost murdered me. My stomach did NOT like drinking Lucozade or any liquids for that matter whilst exercising. I was proper panicing whilst getting to the gym and half way into it. I don't know why but seriously I felt proper... I don't know the word but since I weighed myself and have GAINED (bleugh!) weight I can't help it. This is the side of an Eating Disorder people don't get. They see the skinny side of it. They don't see the binging crap and all the self hate and sh*t like that. But enough of that talk. Jeez maybe I depress my own ass o.O I don't think I went online at all yesterday. Maybe I checked Facebook...? I don't know. Wasn't really in the mood for online socializing. Ah fuck it I still aren't. Good day with food and good day with exercise. Just a bad day with life =S M L xoXox

Monday, 12 July 2010

Sick of these stupid mood swings

They are doing me in. Happy, sad, frustrated, depressed, angry the fricking lot! Right now I feel like hitting the wall or murdering somebody. I just need to keep in mind that going to jail would be the consiquence of that last option "/ And hitting the wall... too many memories with that loving pile of bricks. My friend noticed my change of moods earlier today. Ugh! People noticing crap that doesn't concern them. Apparently "I have too many 'episodes' and should get checked for bipolar." That's actually what she said. I was like "thanks!" *rolls eyes* Next thing I'll be a little depressed emo kid blaring Eminem or some shit. Actually I like Eminem and am listening to him so I take that back. Gah I can't even be bothered with it all. Last night went alright. I enjoyed most of it. Footy was shite and thank god it's over. I don't see the big fuss in it. But other than that we all had a few laughs and crap. Annnnnnd now I feel blah. Argh! Wtf? Apart from seeing friends earlier and them making quite a few fricking opinions nothing else has gone on tonight. Meh I am tempted to go and finish the wine and vodka... M L xoXox

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Sundays mess?

I woke up around 4:30am and sat watching tv. Pretty unusual for me but I gave it a shot. I was just hanging around basically until I set off to go to Davids. It was a pretty boring day until later on. BDD hit bad in the afternoon. It was fucking horrible. Annoying thing is once I get my braces and that it'll be another thing that proper bothers me. Ugh fuck it! I don't even have much to put because apart from that little but bleeding long episode I didn't really do anything. Just waited around. Hopefully the party is a little bit better and football is interesting. Gah if it isn't. =/ xoXox

Saturday, 10 July 2010

I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad!

Maybe then I wouldn't be so tired. Seriously I think these years of insomnia are really catching up to me. Though when I go to bed I go for a couple of hours and then am wide awake again. Annoying aye? It's like half 5 and i want to go to bed. I did the same thing yesterday and woke up in the middle of the morning so I am definitely not doing that one. I'll be tired by the time I go and meet my friends for drinking and I can't stand drinking when tired. It's pointless because I end up giving up and going home haha. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow. Didn't think I would be but I am spending time with some of the best people I know. It's cheesy I know but they are awesome. So that's that. I think I am also cool with David and his friend. Sounds weird but I'm trying to stay positive about things. Remaining friends is good. Half the time when you say that it's kind of like saying " The dog died but we can still keep it" xD I went to the gym today too :O Shocking aye? There is a new guy there. H didn't remember he was starting so they ended up chatting for a while. He's pretty cute! He looked a little moody but ;) I was talking to him whilst I was on the cross trainer and H came back in from doing something and actually looked a little... jealous. It was incredibly cute hehe. I actually love my gym. Half the guys in it motivate my arse haha. All the good looking guys must hide out at the gym =P Same about the women like. Not that I am watching them ha but they could look better for motivation. I mean one girl who goes there wears more make up than MAC sells in a year! Plus she wears more than me (yes I saw what she entered on the treadmill) 64kg and still wears shorter than short shorts and a tiny vest. Round of applause for being confident but seriously girl it's a gym not the beach! H and the lot think it's for attention. Would make sense since there is only 2 women who work at the gym but they work on the pool side of it most of the time. There is this old guy who seriously hits that gym! Half the time he outdoes me and H. Considering H is a personal trainer that's a challenge lol xD I will one day take my (invisible) hat off to him. So yeah that was most of my day. I went for coffee with H. I love coffee and haven't been drinking it lately. Hmm I am missing my passionate love affair with that thing. So I must remember to restart it up... My tooth really hurts now. Seriously I want it pulling out haha! At least it doesn't cost me for them sorting out. Braces on the other hand could prove tricky. If I get the fucked up dentist I will most likely have to go private. Gah. What's the point of having an NHS and having to fricking pay? I don't get that. No wonder British people have terrible teeth. Healthcare is free apart from Dentistry. Either that or it takes the piss. Blah blah ugh. I shall see and either smile or bloody moan about the outcome when I see him =D I think I am caught up now with the blogging. M L xoXox

This is getting confusing now...

First word of advice; Put down the Red Bull and water! It is not fun going to the bathroom this many times!! I really do need to catch up on blogging. It isn't that easy repeating yesterday when it's hard to remember it after sleeping. So tonight I shall aim to write todays rather than waiting until Sunday morning. Erm... I woke up early again yesterday. Like 2am or something. =/ Couldn't get back to sleep so just stayed awake and did whatever it was I did. Oh I wrote Thursdays blog. Confusing!! Anyway gah I can't remember what I did. I was meaning to go to the gym but didn't cos I felt sickly. Maybe it had something to do with the dairy products I bought when I went to this cafe with H?... Anyway that left me feeling shitty. It's funny how I never learn time after time of eating it. Hell when the doctor told me I was lactose intolerant I went and bought a milkshake xD I am special :L We got these chocolate muffins too. 390 calories for 1! So not worth it since they tasted like crap. Ugh. So I am not too sure on yesterdays intake tbh. Grr I need to stop drinking. I haven't seen my bathroom this many times in years o.O

Friday, 9 July 2010

I'll Move To Paris, Shoot Some Heroin And Fuck With The Stars

My day swung both ways. One minute good, the rest of it pretty shite. Since this about yesterday (it's nearly 4am) I'll write in that tense. Unless I get confused but you'll get the gist of it. Eventually. I woke up pretty early actually. I was not expecting to but I was awake from like 6am. I did wake up early with all good intentions of going to the gym and then coming back home and relaxing. Maybe even getting online since I have sat down properly at my latop in a while. Wrong! My friend came around whilst I was still in my pjs barely alive and asked me to go to town with her. I had a mumble about it and in the end agreed. So she said she'd come back at like 9am or so. I wasn't happy with that. Seriously she gave me just under 3 hours to dye my hair (which is now a lush looking brown), get a shower, get dressed and then finish my hair and make up etc. I managed it btw. So she eventually rocked to my house around 09:45am. I asked her if she could tell the time. She said her boyfriend took too long getting ready. Boyfriend? Yeah when did he come into this little trip out?? I couldn't help it but I looked him up and down and thought "nahh" not a chance in hell did he take too long getting ready. I mean good looking guy and all but not the type to stand around taking forever to get ready. More like she spent too long trying to tackle that pile of rags on her head. I fail to see where the logic is by having your hair look worse than somebody who lives on the street. But it's "fashionable" apparently. Anyway she and he weirdly enough complimented me when I had locked my door. Oh actually this was after he asked if he could get a glass of water. I told him to get a bottle out of the fridge. She was like "Why do you bother buying water when you have a tap?" Meh it tastes better. I was tempted to ask her why she did her hair every morning to just end up making it look rubbish. But I resisted lol. Back to the compliments cos they made me smile. I settled on wearing baggy jeans and a bench t-shirt, though the jeans I wore are a little loose so you can see the top of my D&G boxers ;) and had a ponytail with fringe pinned back. Gosh very fashion focused isn't it? Anyhow she said I looked beautiful with darker hair :D And he said to my friend "are the rest of your friends as stunning?" I am suprised I got in the elevator with them cos my head felt huge! Haha. But we trailed around for a couple of hours and I got kind of bored. I went to Argos and bought new scales. Woo! Just need to find the courage now to get on them haha. Maybe after the period... But they tell you your body fat too :) I is very happy :D Not sure I will be when I stand on them but I'll leave that until next week hehe. So after a while of going into every shop and getting mightly bored she decided she was going to get her belly button pierced. I thought "Great more sitting around." I had been talking to her boyfriend for like 30 minutes whilst she was waiting to see the guy and then another 15 minutes passed. I thought this ain't right. It only took like 10 minutes or something and I got my tragus done too. In the end she came out and said she wasn't getting it done. I was peed off! I could of done something remotely more interesting than wait for her to chicken out. Grr. Not long after that we went to McDonalds. Yay!! Oh the sarcasm. I got fries and a McFlurry with a regular coke since they had no diet. Grr. They tasted rank! I know it was a new batch of fries but anymore grease and salt on them and I would had a coronary!! I much prefer the other McDonalds to the one we went to. The managers must of been having a meeting or something because they were all seated together going over useless shit whilst eating McD's. How can you work there plus eat it? I know it's cheap but if I worked with food I'd be put off whatever was cooked there. Moving on... He came over and asked me what I thought of the food. My friends boyfriend had just got back from getting another! burger and fries. Jeez. But anyway I was going to lie to him but instead I just offered him a fry. He didn't seem to keen haha and brought me a donut to replace the chips. He said I needed something calorie laden because you could see that writing bit on my boxers since my jeans are loose. Gah people, stop looking at my arse! It is mine for the love of humanity =/ When I left them and got the bus back to mine I ran into David again on the bus. We laughed over the other night and got a coffee from the McDonalds near my house lol. Ironic that I live near so many fast food joints (Subway, KFC, McDonalds, pizza shops, the lot really.) and don't really eat it. Oh and I live near a chinese and fish and chip shop plus Sainsbury, Tesco, Morrison, Asda and another place I don't shop at. Food is dominating my home haha. He asked if I wanted to go to his house for tea so we toddled off there. It wasn't too bad actually. I enjoyed myself for them few hours :) On Sunday we are all getting together again. It's better when there is only a few of us because we all leave our lappys on whilst getting drunk and watching football/movies and vary around what we are doing. It's alright. Better than doing nothing though we get up to some weird shit when we drink. I'm still waiting for my karma to bite me so I need to watch my back. And head. And everything haha. I'm already having a dental nightmare. Need to ring them back since I have the new number. M L xoXox

Thursday, 8 July 2010

And this shall be...

Yesterday wasn't too bad all in all. Actually to be honest things in general aren't too bad. I did this thing for a job the other day so that's good. I live alone albeit I don't stay there too often. I should start getting back into the habit of it haha. Talking of work one of the jobs I applied for the hours are crazy! It's 8am until 9pm Mon-Fri and 10am til 7pm Sat-Sun. You do get one day off like but it's still mad busy! H said to me I wouldn't have time to eat. All I was thinking is I wouldn't have time to go on PrettyThin as much xD *facepalm* See that's how screwed up my brain is that I didn't even think about food until he said it. Last nights football was rubbish. I am pretty devo'd cos Germany are out *weeps* but I shall allow Holland to win since they have never won. That and Spain suck raw eggs ;) So Sunday my poor head and insides are going to be frazzled and let's not talk about Monday at the gym. Yesterday though. I shall elaborate a bit more on it. I spent most of the day walking. Not just regular walking but walking around Leeds City Centre. Now anyone from a busy city with like 1 million or so people in it will know how tempting it is to push people under the buses. It's also not the best thing to do when you haven't had a shred of sleep in the last 24 hours. I went to Specsavers with my friend because she is making this huge deal about her eyes hurting. Sweetie I am no Optician but if you are given 2 pairs of glasses that you have to always wear but don't, you shouldn't complain when your eyes hurt. So I was sat on this lovely bony chair for 40 mins or something. iPods can only entertain me for so long. I ended up chatting to this guy and helping him choose my glasses. He so totally has the pair I want when I go back in October haha. Then we had to go and get these forms so I can take my cat to the vet. Not going to be an easy feat liike. The cat is a chunky bugger and will jab her claws in you. All I will say is my revenge on her will be seeing her have a thermometer up her bum ;) Haha. The get together last night wasn't too bad. I left at the same time basically as David. He didn't drink much either. It takes two 1 hourish bus journeys to get back to the area we live in but it ended up taking much longer. To say the buses stop at 11:45ish at night we didn't get off the bus until after midnight =/ Traffic was stupid like. But we had a nice chat and it was quite funny really. Fun in a way. Since we got a different bus to the 96 we had to walk back from Horsforth city centre. It's not too far but when you've had a little bit of alcohol and it's freezing (jeez where as this cold come from?? Maybe it's just me...) it takes slightly longer to get home. Even more so when one person decides he has the munchies... But anyway I got back to mine after 2am and went straight to bed after a 5 minute shower. Fuck the long shower. I'll just be dirty again when I wake up :P And that was my day. A lot longer and more things including but in all seriousness it's 9:30am and i haven't had a cup of coffee hehe xD M L xoXox

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Friends are like buses... you always miss one :(

Grr it's been one of them days. You know the ones that need packing up and shipping to some forgein country? If only that was possible. I would pay big fucking bucks to be able to pass on some of the crappy things I do. I'm still a wee bit sour from yesterday lol. I actually spent my day from around 11am in bed. At like 7am (no sleep in god knows how long) I got emailed this thing for a job I applied for. It's one of the jobs in mental health rather than regular medicine. Go figure right but it's a job at least. Which reminds me I was meant to go to the bank... But anyway. It probably wasn't the most incredibley smartest idea to fill it in but I couldn't resist. I love how it didn't tell me which job is was though. Come on now I would like to know if it's the one in my city albeit not the closest or the one in Keighley which requires waking up early and getting a train. I'd prefer the one closest since it just requires buses until I decide to finally do my driving lessons. Soo before I went to bed I was goofing around on Facebook and clicking on random peoples profiles. I noticed this morning some of the people I have on Facebook tell a load of bullshot! Seriously. ~One friend AC* who said she had been in recovery is now out (as if especially IP after a few weeks. She claimed she was meant to stay til after my 18th which is next January!) is fasting. Come on if you've been diagnosed with Anorexia and have been in IP as if your parents aren't going to notice you aren't eating. They'd watch you like hawks! So AC* needs a bitch slap. ~ One friend LW* who really needs to cut her hair and redye it red. Please don't go that colour if you aren't going to keep up with it. ~ DD* You are such a fake. Seriously it's like ohmigosh! ~ CfrickingD** Cba going into that one. Anyway my friend just said she would kill to look like Kourtney Kardashian. I was like... Why??! So she said it's because she's the same height and 80lbs! By Jesus Christ the sky is blue! If she is 40lbs less than me I must be a fucking heffer! 80lbs my little backside. Yep I haven't got the same wide load as her. Gah I don't think people understand the simple methods of Mathematics. I think the point of this thread was to say something about Caitlin*. Oh yeah. Lousey friend. Totally blanks me now. What's so bad about living in an area where people have jobs and study?? Better than living on an estate full of knocked up 14 year olds and chavs. Oh can't forget the wannabe gangsters. All white little boys too. Yeah that bit made me laugh too xD M L xoXox

Monday, 5 July 2010

Maybe he is in love...

Or at the very least crushing on somebody. Does anyone even say crushing? Meh I read it on Facebook and am using it anyway. It's has I have said really though. The way she looks at him and acts around him... It's not fair. It's not fair because it really means things are moving on. Moving on is never easy. Nobody should ever do it. We should all give it a miss and get on with other things.
Moving on means having to say it's really over and to be able to confess that outside of your mind isn't easy in the slightest. It's actually an heart killer.
Don't get me wrong she is a sweet girl and he's... well yeah.
So right now it hurts. I think things are going to slowly fall apart. Ugh! Takes me back to the "Andy" days. They hurt. They sucked. And they totally drained me.
I had a lot more to write but I think they can wait a while. Let's not get to Britney-esque breakdown style :P
I've got a party with them tomorrow =/ = Not sure what to make of that one but I like them both =) Good right? and H* is coming along thank goodness. So... bring on the alcohol xD hehe.
M L
xoXox

Sunday, 4 July 2010

SSDD

As the title says really. Same Shit Different Day. M L xoXox

Friday, 2 July 2010

It's just like ugh!

So here is the long update I have been meaning to do for ages. It's quite a lot and quite random in parts so bare with me. Since I am watching a load of wank aka Peter Andre on tv I might as well start writing it all done now.

It's been quite a long day actually. Calorie laden but busy. No gym though. So annoying. Everytime I want to go we always get caught up doing something else and then it's just too late to go and then get other things done. Going on Saturday though. Watching the Germany match there. When a football match is on it is probably the time we ever really stay for 2 hours. When the England match was on last week I swear to God there was only us two and then another 3 people came. Now that was a good day haha. if only it happened more often.

So... one of my "friends" (ha! So totally not after this comment) said I had a tummy =O Like seriously bitch? That is the ultimate insult to come from her. Fine I have gained 3lbs this past week :( but I am still a good 25lbs less than her. I didn't know whether to be insulted or just laugh. Cold hearted so and so. I did want to reply "That's major coming from you tubsy" but I bit my tongue. Hard! I just brushed it off but it stuck in my head throughout the day. She totally likes my ex too. I think probably more than I did o.O her and him? Jeezus I think I would have a coronary and never speak to anyone again. I'd become a mute or something.

We went to a... well I wouldn't call her a friend but somebody we all know and talk to. The reason I won't call her a friend is because a) I rarely see her and b) I barely know her so yeah. But anyway we went to her house and ohmigosh! It wasn't *thinking of a nice word..* tidy. I swear my OCD urges kicked in and I wanted to clean her house. I (thankfully) resisted saying anything. Gah it's annoying though. It's not hard to clear up after yourself.

The amount of walking done today should be illegal. Like seriously I thought my legs were going to come off plus it was freaking hot! As you know the UK is the coldest island ever so this heat is very rare. It's always over 20 degrees celcius (which doesn't seem hot compared to some climates but our summers are normally 14 lol) and it's just getting uncomfortable. Night times are humid so you don't get to sleep until after 6am and by them it's starting to warm up again and it's an endless cycle haha. Not good for my sanity.

I did had what the girl said earlier in my head. (Still think she is an uber bitch) It was really annoying me and all I could think of when we went to a sort of lunch. Conversation was going in one ear and out the other. I think we have all had those moments though were something is just stuck and you can't focus on anything else. You want to do something out of revenge but what's the point? You can say you are not eating because somebody insulted you but they never see the results of that. It's easier to just get even with a similar comment back ;)

Which brings me to the thing i was discussing with an ED friend earlier today. We didn't understand how people said they were starving for somebody. I can kind of understand people who say it's because of their mother pushing them into something like pagents and ballet etc but I don't understand the boyfriend thing. Sure we all want to be perfect for them but I could never honestly hand on heart say I continue in my Eating Disorder for anybody, no matter what.

My highly hugely annoying "friend" was non stop text today. Don't get me wrong I love texting. I mean my phone in my left hand! But gosh there is a time when you just have to stop. It's every little thing that she will moan about. I know everyone with EDs moan at some point but oh my days it's too much. And don't tell me about the cutting thing especially when it doesn't ring true. You muppet I work in an hospital and see self harmers. If you are bleeding badly they are not leaving you in the waiting room for 6 hours. Come on like the rules are you are in and out within 4 hours and then you go into the red. On top of that if you are still bleeding they would have treated you there and then. The NHS isn't that bad y'know!

And with that I am off to bed.

M L

xoXox

So so tired

I had like an hours sleep on Thursday. So throughout the day I just wanted to fall asleep. I managed to get everything done though and went to the gym today. Amazing aye? But it was a long day. I spent most of it in the city centre going to various places. I swear if I get told to go back to college to do some lousy shite one more time I am going to go and sign up for the Army!! I am just not going back to do the same courses I did last year before I left to start working in the NHS. Now I am no rocket scientist but even I know there is no point redoing them when I passed with A's. Now thicko sort your head out! Once I got home from town, I met my friend and we headed to the gym. Now I was majorly bored and tired so moaned (quite) a bit. I swear I almost fell off the treadmill which one day I am going to. We left after just over an hour cos even he was tired. And we I am tired and bored I am not slaving my arse off in a gym. I am going home and going to bed =P Then again i didn't even get home until around 7pm because we had to go food shopping. Honestly I can live without it. As long as I can go home and be lazy I don't give one about food. Oh yes. And I fasted today :) Not too sure how long I want to fast for but it's about time I actually did something. And on that I should probably go back to bed. Or at least get from out of my duvet. I am boiling. I hate this humid heat. Makes it impossible to sleep and makes me tired cos I have had no sleep. Make sense? M L xoXox

Thursday, 1 July 2010

3 days of hell. I am over it

The last three days aren't even worth mentioning. They have been rubbish and as I said in the title I am o-v-e-r it. On another note I am full of bruises. I bruise wayy too easily like. I think half of them come from the gym which I didn't go to today. I couldn't be bothered. I just stayed in bed until like 18:30 this evening. Not asleep or anything just laid there whilst texting. I did go out until noon though. Ate a lot and had a bit of a laugh then came back home, put my pj's on and got under my duvet. It's been one of them days. These posts are getting shorter and shorter but I genuinely have nothing I want to write down. My life in very uninteresting at the moment but it is like 3am and I have to be in town for lots of meetings tomorrow at 10am. I'm nowhere near tired so I don't think I am going to even get any sleep better going. Plus my stomach is playing dodgy. TMI right? Plus I need to call the dentist tomorrow. The joy! I am having a GA when they do my dental work. They think they are doing what needs to be doing under a local without a kick in the face? They are soo freaking wrong! But I'll do what I have got to do to get my perfect nashers back. Plus braces. Oh yeah I will be soo cool. M L xoXox