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Saturday, 22 May 2010

Happy? Frustrated more like it

So we went up to Asda and was there for ages. I ended up buying a load of gym gear (quite a lot with England all over. World cup and all.) and swimming stuff. Bikini with shorts and vest. Not that confident lol. That was all good. Had a great conversation with Mark. He's a total sweety =) But back to the point I spent wayy too much on gym stuff. So hard not too though. Alcohol took the piss to get. What is it? If it's warm go to the supermarket and raid the place??! So after like 2 hours shopping David and Emily took the stuff back in the car. Me and Mark walked back (extra exercise and all) A bit weird baring in mind Mark dates Emily and I date David but all is good. It was nice to talk to somebody different for a change. And we get along quite well so it was cool. Anyhow not long after we got back a huge argument kicked off between Emily and Mark. There was only the four of us there. Long story short I ended up talking to her and asked her 2 questions. Do you love Mark? "Yeah." Are you in love with Mark? "... I don't think I am." My face just dropped. They seemed like the perfect couple and after talking to Mark more he feels the same as Emily. Makes you wonder doesn't it? You think something is good but really it's just holding together because you refuse to let go of it. Yet those two questions I keep asking myself. I love David. But am I in love with him? I feel so wrong for even thinking this but even worse because I'm not sure how to answer it. Maybe it's just because we've all been drinking and there is a ton of people here. Or maybe it's because he's spent so long telling Emily it'll all be okay after the break up of her and Mark. Blogging is hard to do in an house full lol. But I am talking to Mark and supposed to be just checking work things etc. Great liar I am. I hate lying yet I am so good at it. (I must say I admire him for taking the break up so well. Emily is over dramatising it. I guess it's easy to deal with if you aren't in love with the other person.) Most of the frustration thing comes from me wanting to binge. Well eat. We all ordered pizza (I don't eat it unless it's a binge and to shut people up. Not worth the time puking and shitting it out. Tmi I know.) David ordered my pizza wrong. After 8 months he still hasn't got my takeaway order down. So it came wrong and I am not eating anything with that tomato basing crap on. Cheese is bad enough. I don't know why I am so frustrated at not being able to eat. It should be a good thing. Anyway I don't know. How I feel? What I want? The future with the people around me? It's funny how one night can change everything isn't it? I've missed load outs but I have to finish this up before I get a million questions thrown at me. The one question I keep asking myself though, is, am I happy? Am I satisfied?

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