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Monday, 31 May 2010

I live on no sleep

I think I actually spend more time trying to sleep than I actually do sleep. Madness!
Fast is going pretty well too. Apart from the fact that my friend was trying to shove a triple chocolate muffin thing from Starbucks down my neck whilst we got coffee. I subtly pointed out if I wanted to eat something that was going to make me ill for the rest of the day I'd do it when I had a crappy day planned ;)
Quite a lot happened today and I am not too sure I can remember it all. Either way I explain it I had some fun =) 1 sort of friend pissed me off. I mean I am over what she said but I'm not sure she is over my reply.
I saw a friend of mine in town and got takling with her. I ended up walking around for a bit with her and we had a laugh. We got to Topshop and I couldn't resist going in with her. (That store is my second home!) Whilst looking at these fantastic jeans *Damn I loved them. They look even better in a size 4* this girl we went to school with said "You two have got a bit of a tummy now" I nearly strangled her with the jeans lol. I must of given her this look and she then said "I don't mean it in a nasty way. You're still really pretty... blah blah blah!" I just said "If I want some to lick my arse I'll give you a call aye?"
It did make me laugh. Even more so when her wide load picked up a size 6 jeans. I ended up telling her "Sweety if I can't fit into a 6 by damn God you have no chance!!" Now I am not saying I am skinny. Way off of it. But if you saw her and me it's just... no chance she is a 6. I think I may of come across as a bitch but so did she. One bitch will always rival another =P
I got compliments for my hair today =) Always makes me happy lol. Most people like it red but a few love it blonde but like Alex (not the one I went running with) said it looks better brown. It makes my eyes stand out more apparently o.O Hey it was a compliment I think =D Still with brown and red hair I get to wear more make up without being over the top.
Sooo... what else? It's in my head... Somewhere! Mmm... Oh my god! I very rarely go on my Facebook anymore and Dani is trying to come across as bi. Or would that be gay if she never has had a boyfriend? o.O It's embarrassing to watch. And Kel needs a slap for egging it on (she's gay) How desperate for attention do you have to be to do *shudders* yeah that? Gosh that is why I hate Facebook. It's basically tartbook with some of the things people do on it.
I can't remember anything else. ONly thing I can think of is the red in my hair is fading fast
=(
M L xoxox

End of May nearly

Last day of May. Isn't it a bank holiday or something? Yeah End of Spring bank holiday. Basically just an extra day to sleep in and be lazy in my opinion. At least nearly everywhere has the same opening times here. If I lived somewhere smaller I bet all the shops would be shut by lunch time. I'd hate that. Hence my plan if I ever move from Leeds, I will hop on a train with my suitcase and head to London. Stop off for a cup of afternoon tea (skip the cakes) and then maybe take over the world... If I have time =P I'm wanting Tuesday to hurry up. I get my free unlimited texts then. It's costing wayy too much to keep in contact with people. Plus could always do with texting more ED people =) Would be something else to do aswell. On the plus side I just Googled the swimming baths with gyms in my area and there is around 8! Bleeding heck. I could go to a different one everyday lol. Me and David and another friend have devised a 1-2hr gym schedule and 90 minute swim everyday. Not sure how I will feel like when it comes to actually doing it but hey! One gym is like 5 minutes away from a friends house I am always at. I never knew. Stupidest thing is I used to live like 5 minutes away from it when I was younger too. I am utterly stupid sometimes but shh! I could never admit that in real life. The Friday after next I am of a sort babysitting. It's sort of a family thing. Yeah shocker. I don't do these things often but I don't mind these three lol. We are off swimming on the Saturday and Sunday. First outing with family in... well a long time. I would ask Caitlin if she wanted to come but I think I will be under 100lbs by the time she replies. Don't you hate people who ignore you? It's soo frustrating. It's like 02:40am. I am supposed to be off for a run with Alexx in the morning (06:00am) and then I am off to Starbucks. Them and Costa make too much money from me. Then agian I do enjoy sitting there watching everything. I am weird in that sense. I doubt I am going to get any sleep tonight. I never really do. Oh and another good thing is the gym opens at 07:00am until 22:00pm. One close kind of, actually it's not =P is a new £15,000,000 building. Looks extremely cool. M L xoxox

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Sundayy

Whatever Davids mum was cooking around 12 smelt gorgeous. Man even if it did have meat in it smelt nice lol. Not that I am hungry. In fact he was the one insisting we leave before she served it up. Mainly because he wanted to get out of there to go out with his friends. I passed on that one. I do have to thank him though. He got me out of eating before I even had a chance to come up with an excuse apart from being vegetarian. So thank you D =D
Saying that I think I am too tired to do anything with friends today. I think I am going to stay at Joes tonight. I can't be bothered going home so why not? It's not like I have anything major planned for the rest of today. Only annoying thing is I have to wait until everybody has gone to bed to be able to work out. That is quite annoying tbh.
Halle Berry has some pretty sick moves in CatWoman. A bit over the top like but not a bad movie.
Gosh sundays are always boring. More so whent he weather is crap. I don't have anything major to blog about.
M L
xoxox

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Yes I live alone...

...But don't come knocking cos I won't freaking answer! I swear to the preacher, staying at my friends last night was a nightmare. Apart from the eating. At least I didn't go over 900. Still too much though but anyway. David didn't come though like I wanted because he was covering a shift at work. It's annoying when work springs that on you. It's like get the damn lazy twat to do their own shift. Anyway off topic. I didn't get to sleep until 8:30am even though Sophie* fell asleep half way through chucky. I spent most of the night talking to the guy she is supposed to be dating. Feel sorry for him if it continues because... well meh! So we fell asleep then in the living room because she prefered her bed. By God did she start arguing with her mum and dad about an hour or so ago. I mean after 2 hours sleep I coulda done with sleeping from morning til afternoon. They aren't half loud. Me and Owen ended up leaving whilst they were still having a slanging match. And that is how I ended up on Costa with a nice soy latte =) I am taking advantage of their free Wifi. Absolutely shattered though. Could do with going back to bed which is tempting for when I go back home. Not a good start really to a fast. It's bad enough that I barely sleep when fasting. Today might be an exception. I'd sleep the year away if I could. Another thing that is bugging me about things lately is people who seem to think they are psychologists and doctors. No you cannot diagnose yourself with BPD, BDD, Depression, Bipolar etc etc. These are things you need to be qualified to diagnose even if you think you have all the signs of something. Hell half the time people think they have the characteristics of the Plague! Doesn't mean they have it so until you get it confirmed by a doctor I ain't buying it. You don't need to look things up in a book. If it really is something you feel is serious, you'd go to a doctor no matter how much you dislike them. God why do I always sit near somebody stuffing their faces? Grr I wouldn't mind if you were doing it quitely but you sound like you are running the London Marathon at the same time slightly overweight, middle aged, not wrinkley (yet!) smartish dressed man wearing a tie I personally would burn than wear. That's something I like about Costa and Starbucks. No not the people. By gosh no. But when you are sat down at a laptop with a drink you notice a lot more than you would if you were eating or with friends. For example ~The woman in the corner is trying to chat up a decent looking guy in a suit. Might be a boss or someone high up in the office. Give up sweety. It'll only make things difficult when it turns sour. ~ The waitress is paying extra attention to two guys who keep staring over at my table *Do I have your shirt on bucko?* I'm assuming that she thinks that because they are in a suit they will leave a better tip? Or maybe find her attractive? She is pretty but not drop dead gorgeous. Ditch the full on make up and you are in with a shot =) ~ A guy opposite me sitting in front of the window nearly is almost stressing into his phone and bashing his laptop. By the jeans and shirt I would say he does something pretty decent for a living. But he needs to chill out a little bit. Unless it is something really important. ~ The guy sat about two chairs from me as the most amazing eyes I've seen in quite a while. He's sat there quitely with a soy latte (he was in front of me in the queue) typing whatever up on his laptop. I think it is safe to say that he isn't blogging like me. Despite the fact if you removed my baggy jeans and gave me black trousers I would look like I worked with him, I doubt he blogs. At least not in Costa. And definitely not about the people in it. See some of the things you pick up on are quite interesting and if the two buckos in suits don't looking at me, the freaking munters, I am going to pour my drink over them. It'd wake me up and make me laugh haha xD I've been sat here wayy too long. I just got a cup of coffee =) I need to wake up a bit. I must say my hair looks incredibley red today. Maybe it's because it is a crappy, cold day that it stands out. Either I like it =) This post is becoming very random. I'm going to check my emails... I wish this woman behind me would stop breathing so loud. Pretty irritable today but it is annoying. Enough so to make me want to leave. Okay that is it. I think I am going to wrap this up. I need to go shopping and I've finished yet another drink. I think it is a soy latte to go =) Plus it sort of looks at though it is going to pour it down and I aren't in the mood to get a shower ;) Ooh amazing eyes guy is packing up too. Anyway stop noticing things lol. M L xoxox

Urgh

That menu I just posted is freaking me out. I mean soup, salad, jacket potato, some carvery crap and then!!! a main meal. Jeez louise. I'll come back after a week or two fatter than an hippo! Urgh I soo don't want to go. It's so stupid to be panicing about something that is like 1 year away but by god I can't help it. It's strange but meh! I make myself laugh at some of the things that bother me. I'm stressing voer this holiday but not over going to Alton Towers. Then again I don't intend on going to Alton Towers. Especially not with the people that are going. I'd rather do something in Leeds and not outta town. Anyway a very random post tbh xD M L xoxox

The menu at the place I am forced to go on holiday ='(

Premium Dining Sample Breakfast Menu Cereal Kellogg’s Cornflakes, Frosted cornflakes, Weetabix, Weetos, Malt crunchies, Muesli, Branflakes and Porridge ...... The Grill Sausages, Vegetarian sausages, Beans, Fried bread, Hash browns, Bacon, Fried eggs, Poached eggs, Scrambled eggs, Smoked haddock, Boiled eggs and soldiers and Kippers ...... Also Toast, Jam, Marmalade, Butter, Grapefruit, Yoghurt and selection of fresh fruit ...... Drinks stations unlimited water, juice, tea, coffee, hot chocolate Premium Dining Dinner Sample Menu Example Day 1 Soup ~Tomato & Basil Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Lamb with Mint Sauce ~Roasted Pork Loin with Apple Sauce Main Courses ~Half Roast Chicken ~Grilled Tuna with a Red Pepper Sauce ~Butchers Sausages on a bed of Braised Red Cabbage ~Beef Chilli Macaroni Cheese ~Mushroom Stroganoff ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 2 Soup ~Vegetable Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Beef with Homemade Yorkshires ~Roast Turkey with Pigs in Blankets Main Courses ~Homemade Cottage Pie ~Gammon Steak with Egg & Pineapple ~Baked Cod with Ginger & Spring Onions ~BBQ Pork Ribs with Corn on the Cob ~Spanish Omelette ~Pasta Carbonara ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 3 Soup ~Mushroom Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Lamb with Mint Sauce ~Honey and Mustard Glazed Roasted Pork Loin Main Courses ~Pollo alla Cacciatora ~Pan Fried Salmon in a Watercress sauce ~Duck Confit with a Balsamic Glaze ~Vegetable Lasagne ~BBQ Chicken ~Tomato & Basil Pasta ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 4 Soup ~Minestrone Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Beef with Homemade Yorkshires ~Roast Turkey with Pigs in Blankets Main Courses ~Homemade Mince Beef & Vegetable Pie ~Pork Chops with a Stilton sauce ~Chicken Kebabs in a Deep South Glaze ~Chicken Tikka ~Sweet & Sour Vegetables ~Char Sui Pork ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 5 Soup ~Tomato & Basil Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Honey and Mustard Glazed Roasted Pork Loin ~Roast Turkey with Pigs in Blankets Main Courses ~Half Roast Chicken ~Baked Cod with Ginger & Spring Onions ~Butchers Sausages on a bed of Braised Red Cabbage ~Beef Lasagne ~Vegetable Lasagne ~Stuffed Jackets Potatoes ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 6 Soup ~Leek Soup ~Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Lamb with Mint Sauce ~Roasted Pork Loin with Apple Sauce Main Courses ~Homemade Steak & Ale Pie ~Gammon Steak with Egg & Pineapple ~Pollo alla Cacciatora ~Sweet & Sour Chicken ~Thai Green Curry ~Pasta Carbonara ~Oriental Wok Station Example Day 7 Soup Minestrone Soup Bread Roll Salad ~Salad Selection ~Jacket Potatoes Carvery ~Roast Beef with Homemade Yorkshires ~Roast Turkey with Pigs in Blankets Main Courses ~Pork Chops with a Stilton sauce ~Chicken Kebabs in a Deep South Glaze ~Pan Fried Salmon in a Watercress sauce ~Spaghetti Bolognaise ~Vegetable Korma ~Vegetable Chilli ~Oriental Wok Station For dessert: A choice of hot and cold puddings including: ~Summer Fruits Crème Brulee ~Trifle ~Tiramisu

Friday, 28 May 2010

Positivity =)

I'm feeling positive. I don't know why but I like it. Makes a change from all the other crap.
I decided to keep the red hair. At least until the 8th of June and then I will dye it brown.
I'm sort of on a mission right now to lose as much weight as I can before the 8th of June.
That is like... 11 days away right? (I had to use my calender xD)
So 11 days to ditch some of my fat. Totally do-able. I think anyway =)
I am already coming up with a plan for the next week and half. Only half done at the moment.
I don't know so much if I have a target weight to lose but it would be nice to not look totally horrible in my swimming shorts!
Maybe I should set a target of like 7lbs to reach?
Sometimes it motivates me more. Then again I think knowing I have to workout in front of others is motivation in itself =)
I don't know. All I know is I am not wearing a bikini for swimming! Shorts and a vest over it will be perfect.
Got this cute little Minnie Mouse bag for my gym gear =) See I am motivated lol.
So today I haven't really done anything terribly exciting. I've made a few videos, update some things that needed attention, went into town with a friend for a little bit and nothing else really after that! I'm getting boring. Actually no my friends are. They are all busy with exams and work. It's weekends when they get the most time or a day when I am actually busy. It's quite annoying tbh.
I well we are in the progress of gathering people up for the family holiday next summer. Meh! Could definitely live without it especially since we are going for 2 weeks I think and it's all catered. 3 course meals (I've seen the menu and how the heck do people eat past the starters!!?) for dinner. Breakfast is huge and everything else inbetween you buy yourself. I swear I will be spending most of the time in the swimming pool and gym there. I'll pop with all that food but I'll manage to avoid it. I am trying to get a friend to come along so I can go off with them but tryign to get Caitlin to do anything is impossible. She doesn't even reply to messages on Facebook or her phone ffs. I hate people who aree like that. If you don't want to talk to me don't re-add me everytime I delete you off of Facebook and my phonebook.
I might give her basically one last chance before giving up on her. One person can only take so much right? Oh okay then. I have things to do, people to see =)
M L
xoxox

Thursday, 27 May 2010

It's been a wasted day...

I've basically done nothing. I stayed in bed until around 4:30pm. I just couldn't be bothered doing anything even if I wasn't sleeping. Okay sidenote: I just went to apply for a job and they want 2.5 healthcare assisants? o.O How the heck does that work?? I think like on the plus side I am staying at D's for a while so no pressure to eat because he is working weird times and has weird sleeping pattern so eating at the same time does come up much. Which I like. Nice to get away for a bit too. Even if it is to an house where the person is doing 12hr shifts and overtime lol. My head is banging still. I hate having headaches and feeling ill. Oh wait! I haven't really drank anything... Could answer it but who knows? All I know is I am not taking Paracetomal on an empty stomach. I'd rather have an headache than feel sick. So I haven't eaten today. It's god knows what time and I kind of want to fast but kind of don't until Monday. I want a clean slice of the month to start with. Plus I am recovering from having my blood stolen. I mean wow! I saw how much they took. Suprised I had any left! Hahaha =) Right I think I am going to go and do something creative with my time. Might make some more videos because I am cool like that =P M L xoxox

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

I is exhausted

Oh I think I am going to go to bed for a few hours. Knocking on you know, I need a nap every now and again bahaha. Didn't get anyway sleep last night and spent the whole night making videos with David (again I almost called him Toby!) I got my hair dye today. I decided to go straigh brunette instead of redoing the red until the week after next. No point wasting money. Hair looks neat red but I shall live. I think. If I go brown =) Not been brunette for a while so it'll be quite a change. Oh and I donated blood too. Iron levels were kinda low though but the blood sunk so I can donate blood. It means going back to the doctors to see if he can give me anything for it because I don't really get a lot of iron and calcium for that matter in my diet and need both. Already having tests to see why my bones break kind of easy but since my teeth are good but semi damaged from no calcium, it's probably a big calcium and other thing deficincy. I ate today too. I had half a bad of crisps before donating blood and a lucozade and then around 3pm me and David went food shopping (unsuccessfully like) and ended up going to a little cafe in Asda and had this meal thing. This kids meal anyway and this cakey thing afterwards. The meal itself was around 450 calories and the cake... well who bloody knows!! The weird style of this reflects my mood. Keeps changing every 5 minutes. Am tired and David is awake. Uh anyone would think I lived here. He's at work at 11pm anyway so I suspect he is going to go back to bed until just before 10 anyway. I think I shall do my hair when he sets off to work =) M L xoxox

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Shoot me now before I pop!!

Man I know I am meant to be healthy and crap for tomorrow but Jesus Christ there is a limit on how much food one person should have to eat. I feel like I am 10lbs heavier =/ I just have a feeling that I have bummed the plateau out and gained. Yeah it's a change but not what I want for jeez sake. I can't be bothered with it. David is staying tonight so it's not like I can back out of eating more. It's like seriously not a great start to my week.
I'm liking this spending more time together though. It's mainly because we are both donating blood at 1pm. Oh the joy of been stabbed with a needle I can see down and have a pint or something of blood taken xD The fact that I doubt I will get any sleep will make it worse. You have to lay down so it would be a total disaster to not get any sleep. I'll fall asleep on the bed thing haha =D
I can''t even be bothered writing much because I have too much to do before David (I nearly called him Toby then!! :S) gets to mine after his shift and yeah. So maybe I'll update with some rubbish before i donate in the afternoon. Not looking forward to having to eat before and after but it has to be done I guess. It'll be worse being a bone marrow donor next January. David is already dragging me into blood platelets donation or something like that. Work encourages it too. Only thing you can bug out of the hospital for 2-4 hours like!
Well anyway... See's ya!
Muxho love
xoxox

Monday, 24 May 2010

New shoes!! (And a talk)

I was looking for a new background and all I found was this =/ Not too sure about it tbh. I'll keep looking though =) But anyway today I have spent out with D from like 8am til 9pm or something daft. We talked everything through (well most of it anyway) and I then realised... It doesn't have to be perfect! It's okay to forget things about each other and have to learn stuff all the time. And the IN love thing? All that matters is we love each other. It doesn't have to be a fairytale. It's not so much important to be IN love. We don't plan on getting married or having kids anytime soon so the main thing is to have FUN! After a while you forget you are a teenager with having jobs, studying, living alone etc. Yeah fine 17 and 19 but still kids really. We need to do more things that we enjoy rather than just doing the things we are used to. Lifee should be about pushing yourself so we are going to start doing more things together and finding the time instead of not having any or wasting it. But anyhoo away from the lovey, dovey, mushy stuff it's time to move onto things that aren't to do with my relationship troubles or lack thereof! More... real things ;) I ate more than I wanted today. Much more. I am hoping to break this plateau thing. Can't seem to shift the weight at all. So either it is a plateau or my scales are fucked. Probably are since they are in the bathroom and get wet with the walk in shower but who knows? I might buy a new pair at some point this week or next. Not sure yet. Grr I am pissed off with MSN signing in all the time. Jeez if I wanted to talk to the people on there I would! Annoying little side note =P My hair feels like crap. I want to redo the red again tomorrow. Not sure yet but think I will buy another dye and deep condition it afterwards. I want to get it cut on Wednesday (a dry cut that is) but it all depends on timing. I have to donate blood at 1pm and HAVE to eat before that accourding to the nurse so D is making sure of that. I don't want it wetting and washing when I get it cut because... well it's red hair dye! I want it to stay bright xD Only annoying thing about red hair is you have to redo it like every 3 weeks depending how much you wash it and use ghds etc. After I have done with my Red hair phase (never will like but I get sick of the same hair colour fast) I am going to go French Roast which is a deep brown. Looks yummy! =) Then again Espresso looks more yummy. Funny how I am describing hair dye as yummy like xD Then after that I might go Purple Power! I don't know about that one yet though. Need to find an hairstyle first. I want to keep the length but everytime I go I seem to get shorter and shorter. Not good. I'm resisting the urge to go and cook something to eat right now. It's funny how much of an appetite I have suddenly got. I mean earlier I still felt sick to the stomach and now I could ram raid the cupboards! Huh I don't even think I can. I've tried most things possible to stay away but I am craving a binge D= Horrible !! Erm what else... maybe writing will keep me busy... Oh I don't know! Oh I know this girl on snog, Marry, Avoid! I hate hate HATE! how she talks! I mean I went to a school where loads of them spoke like her. And the esate my school was in... yeah lets not talk about it. I hate how they try and talk like they are summat they are not. I think a lot were confused about ethnicity too. Half the black gals spoke like white gals and vice versa. The asian girls spoke like whichever depending on the day. It was soo grr!! Lol xD And I got new shoes earlier. I'm not keen on them though so going to swap them. Plus they are like a little bit too small lol. Bless D though lol. They looked great until I put them with my jeans. It was like... nah!! Haha. I'll swap 'em before giving blood =D Mucho Love xoxox

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Love and illness. Never a good combo

That is what I want to say to David. I love him. But am I in love with him? I think I am. Oh I don't know. All these little niggling things keep chipping away and make me think a different thing. He's simply a great guy and one of my best friends. Maybe we should of stayed best friends instead of dating? Who knows hey? I think we need to sit down and have serious talk about it all. I don't want it to end on bad terms if it has to which i hope it won't but you know. We work in the same place, live close, have the same friends etc. It wouldn't be awful to have to change most of that based on something quite pathetic. So it needs sorting asap really.
But on other news. I'm sick. Seriously lol. Never really happens but I can't eat or drink. It makes me feel proper crap and throw up. It's shite really. And I am so tired from all the travelling with Mark today. I know the rumours that Emily will start. It's the type of gal she is but I do not care. I couldn't give a flying fish goose what she thinks. I'm still peed off with her for spending the entire night moaning to David who quintessentially got me more involved and I don't want to be. If my friend and his bird break up so be it. Don't drag meh into it!!
But good news is today I haven't eaten a thing =D
Bad news is only had 3 mouthfuls of water and a few sips of diet coke.
I'm too tired to care about it though. The heat is kind of nice to be sick in too. That sounded so wrong but it's nice to have good weather when feeling ill. Yeah that makes more sense. So with it being midnight I am going to attempt to go to sleep. Probably won't be able to but I can try hey?
So Na'Nighty Night =D
xoxox

Saturday, 22 May 2010

Happy? Frustrated more like it

So we went up to Asda and was there for ages. I ended up buying a load of gym gear (quite a lot with England all over. World cup and all.) and swimming stuff. Bikini with shorts and vest. Not that confident lol. That was all good. Had a great conversation with Mark. He's a total sweety =) But back to the point I spent wayy too much on gym stuff. So hard not too though. Alcohol took the piss to get. What is it? If it's warm go to the supermarket and raid the place??! So after like 2 hours shopping David and Emily took the stuff back in the car. Me and Mark walked back (extra exercise and all) A bit weird baring in mind Mark dates Emily and I date David but all is good. It was nice to talk to somebody different for a change. And we get along quite well so it was cool. Anyhow not long after we got back a huge argument kicked off between Emily and Mark. There was only the four of us there. Long story short I ended up talking to her and asked her 2 questions. Do you love Mark? "Yeah." Are you in love with Mark? "... I don't think I am." My face just dropped. They seemed like the perfect couple and after talking to Mark more he feels the same as Emily. Makes you wonder doesn't it? You think something is good but really it's just holding together because you refuse to let go of it. Yet those two questions I keep asking myself. I love David. But am I in love with him? I feel so wrong for even thinking this but even worse because I'm not sure how to answer it. Maybe it's just because we've all been drinking and there is a ton of people here. Or maybe it's because he's spent so long telling Emily it'll all be okay after the break up of her and Mark. Blogging is hard to do in an house full lol. But I am talking to Mark and supposed to be just checking work things etc. Great liar I am. I hate lying yet I am so good at it. (I must say I admire him for taking the break up so well. Emily is over dramatising it. I guess it's easy to deal with if you aren't in love with the other person.) Most of the frustration thing comes from me wanting to binge. Well eat. We all ordered pizza (I don't eat it unless it's a binge and to shut people up. Not worth the time puking and shitting it out. Tmi I know.) David ordered my pizza wrong. After 8 months he still hasn't got my takeaway order down. So it came wrong and I am not eating anything with that tomato basing crap on. Cheese is bad enough. I don't know why I am so frustrated at not being able to eat. It should be a good thing. Anyway I don't know. How I feel? What I want? The future with the people around me? It's funny how one night can change everything isn't it? I've missed load outs but I have to finish this up before I get a million questions thrown at me. The one question I keep asking myself though, is, am I happy? Am I satisfied?

Nice day I guess

First off this weather is friggin lush!! Could definitely get used to this =) Right then, I finally felt tired at 10am. No point in sleeping then since I was off out. I've spent most of the day with David and them lot. Food is flowing but I feel quite ill. I mean not the fake sort because of the ED, the genuine type. Alcohol is too. Bloody dying to drink but my normal drinking sessions are wayy... OTT It takes too much to get drunk. So when we are at home at a party I am similar to the guys. All the women leave before we do. Half Scottish and they love the drink. I am blaming it on that xD I think I will drink because it is the only calories I don't care about. Weird but I don't know how to explain it There isn't any diet coke though so I am sippig on regular cherry coke. Too many calories but I am going to hit the floor if I don't drink something. And it never makes me gain weight anyway. So it's all cool. We have to go up to Asda anyway for more alcohol. I'll get some WKD and stuff up there. Well actually Mark will but ya know? lol xD Not eaten yet so drinking on an empty stomach will hopefully help getting drunk easier. Then again I was on day 12 of a fast and had 2 crates of 12 WKD and 1 litre of vodka plus shots etc etc and was only a little tipsy. o.O ? I just can't get drunk when I want to but who knows? Maybe tonight I will. x.X Always end up discussing everything though when I get drunk. Not spill my sins but I just talk and talk. It's pretty funny actually. At least I am an happy drunk xD Mucho Love xoxox

Drama all over

So much drama. It's 5am and it's kept me up this long. Not just PT though. Real life too. Oh I am so confused. Just finished watching The Perfect Man. Again (?!) I should probably try and sleep. Got quite a busy day planned out today. Going to Davids brothers for a sort of bbq. I've sort of lost all the motivation I had yesterday lol. When the sun comes back out I might feel a bit more normal. I have so much I want to write but right now I just can't. It's complicated. Maybe later on once I get today done with.
xoxox

Friday, 21 May 2010

Loving the weather =D

The weather is gorgeous.
Makes fasting and restricting whilst working out a bit harder because of the light headedness but I don't care!
It's freaking warm.
Not an everyday thing here haha.
So I am feeling quite motivated today.
I am making a new running schedule.
Buying new running, gym and swimming gear in 2 weeks.
Getting a gym and swim membership in 3 weeks.
All in all I am quite motivated =)
Not been this motivated in a while but I like it.
More happy about finding a new job.
Losing weight.
Working out more.
Even thought about applying for jobs outside of Leeds.
Not too far like but not close.
Mmm not too keen now tbh.
What if I got lost in Wackyfield? (Wakefield)
And I wouldn't know my way around Sheffield if you paid me!
I'll stick to Leeds lol.
I know this place.
Anyway back to a normal style of blogging xD Today hasn't been bad but it hasn't been great. Got a bad craving for something but I am not sure what lol. I am sure I will find out soon. Grr I hate wanting something but not sure what. God Joe's munter of a neighbour has the largest mouth in the world!!
Mucho Love
xoxox

Zzzz yeah I want that

It's half past 1 in the morning and I guess I intend on trying to sleep soon. Oh gosh this Beyonce song is utter shite.
I don't see this going to plan because:
A) My stomach is doing somersaults!
B) I feel a bit sick.
C) I'm not tired
D) I am having a great convo with a work mate xD
E) I don't freaking know but I'll find something!
Ugh. I think half the people on PT must be psm'ing. Very bitchy and I went to an all girls school. Even that wasn't as bitchy lol. Oh and on the Kim Kardashian thing... she may have junk in the upper and lower trunk but if I ever date a woman it will be someone with her confidence and comfortable with herself as she comes across. Could I date a woman after being on PT with all the bitchiness?? God ask in a few months/years!!
Mucho Love
xoxox

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Thinking...

I totally blanked and forgot about meeting Jenny and there is no way I can get to East Leeds in 18 minutes. Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! I am writing this whilst listening to Jenny and Andy prech at me down the phone. "Don't make promises if you can't keep them" Andy just said. Excuse me but I promised nada! Oh my days. I know as soon as I hang up I will just be bombarded with texts and bugged on Facebook all night. I can't help that I have a life. Yes granted it's a crappy kinda thing but at least it's something!
People I know have such double standards. And I guess I better carry on listening to this pile of £$&* before I can work out. Or rather focus on anything.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Yawning and waving the day away

Today is a rush rush day but I can't be bothered. It's generally the day to do the food shopping, pay bills, normally eat out (not this week) and the rest of it. It's like 1pm and I don't think I have ever not done anything before this time on a Wednesday. I could get used to it. No I couldn't.
Hair is not doing it's thing today. It's kind of just... there for the sake of it. Y'know like them people who are just roaming around the airport waiting to hop on a plane to somewhere warm? Lucky gits. Might have it down today. It'd make a change.
I swear this mirror in the living room makes me hair look like it needs washing. When I look in the abthroom and hallway one, even the bedroom one for that matter it looks perfectly fine. Gah! I have a lot of mirrors don't I? A little bit vain =)
It needs dying though. Not sure what colour yet because I was quite blonde, re-did it and it went mousey blonde/brown. Cause I wanted my natural colour back right? I want to go red or plum. Red is my reward when I get to 112 though. Maybe a plum/brown colour?
I'm not keen on going dark though because I am quite pale. Makes my face look slimmer though. Mmm... Guess I shall have to roam Boots for a colour lol. Haven't been plum or red in years though so I think it will be between them colours. Or brown with blonde highlights.
Well I better go and get ready. I need to set off at half past 1. Oh fast is going well too. Longest I can do it for is until Sunday I think. I donate blood on Wednesday so need to be a bit normal(?) for then.
Mucho Love
xoxox

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

*flatline*

I'm going to open talking about the ED for once. I don't seem to do that anymore. So I am bloody starving lol. Oh my gosh. This reporter just ate this bird. Cooked like but eww. Seriously who does that? She said it was like pigeon =O I hate pigeons (it's pretty funny watching me go through town) but wouldn't freaking eat them. Gross. PrettyThin is down til Thursday. Well I say down but if you go on via a link you can get on =) Bit dead like but I think I can live. Nice to be able to see the posts. Boring to have a convo with like the same 3 people bahaha. Fast is going alright though. I'm not too sure how long I am going to go on though because I am donating blood next week so want to be quite level for that. Need to book the appointment so I shall go on the website after finishing this. Wow. A friend I haven't talked to in months just text. About time Hayley* but I can't talk. I coulda text her too haha. Her accent is oh my gosh! She's from Sunderland so she talks really fast and with a sort of Geordie accent so I have to listen carefully because I'm quite that annoying well spoken, proper pronounced type of person xD Nice to talk to her again. Things have dramatically changed for both of us though. I've left high school and college, started work and moved out and she's started the RAF cadets and moving into the last year of high school. Plus boys. A lot has happened in the past 7-8 months lol. Wow. I think I might call her and catch up properly whilst discussing Supersize vs Superskinny. Aye that's my nigth planned out. All I have to do right now is persuade my friend not to come over with pizza. Can't eat pizza and watch Supersize vs Superskinny and fast! Plus she isn't keen on Hayley because she knows she is EDNOs but mainly Bulimic and thinks she influences me. FYI: Hayley could eat a cow live for all I care. Doesn't mean she makes me want to too. People hey? Mucho Love xoxox

Snatched!

So like if anyone has my life from where everythign seemed simple and straight forward can they please return it to me? I'll even meet you at the train station to collect it.
I awoke to a text message, well actually a ton of them and missed calls because I somehow managed to turn off my phone whilst trying to sleep. I must be clever because it's an iPhone and not the easiest of phones to turn off without trying. But anyway all this message said was "I think you need to go and see a psychiatrist." What a thing to wake up to! I have no idea who sent it but it gave me a good laugh this morning haha. A psych. I mean come on give me a chance to try and dodge the doctors and crap first you doylem! I don't even know if it was meant for me. Could of been a wrong number but what a hell of a message to send to someone by mistake! Seriously.
On that cherry note I decided to get up. No point sleeping when you can't. That's the only crappy thing about fasting. It feeds the insomnia which is never a good thing but at least it gives me time to do things and be a super clean freak! 10 minutes later the divvi's that are still outside started playing with their tools. You know what they say about men and the bigger their tool...
Seriously though it is highly annoying. If the tv gets any louder Leeds city centre will be able to hear Pixie Lott it now is! What is with all these greenflies?? I like randomly looked out of the window and there is like a million of the creepy little twats!! Ugh they are disgusting.
I think my day is going to consist of cleaning, exercising and laying back. Still haven't sorted it out with David. Or my friend. I think it's the pride thing. No-one wants to say sorry but things don't work unless someone does and for once why should it be me? I guess I should go and get on with my day.
Mucho Love
xoxox

Monday, 17 May 2010

There's got to be light right?

I don't know if there is or there isn't. What I do know is that I thought I was confused earlier... Yeah even more so now! I think I need a restart button. Maybe a delete one too. It would always come in handy haha xD The big sort of group of frie... well people I know (knew?) all seem to be doing their own thing. My supposed best friend moved to another part of Leeds and never told me. Considering we were like sisters living in each others pockets that's a big deal but over these past 5 months or so, we just seem to be "Facebook" friends and considering that I am not a constant user, it leaves the friendship thing a little known memory. Sigh. I had 2 kind of arguements tonight (Since I started writing this ages ago but did a completely different thing for a while) One with a friend because I gave up on this guy I used to really like (Yeah not sure I get it either) How long can you go on liking somebody and telling them without them reacting any different about it? I'd rather give up on what I feel and be friends with the guy so I am on a "weird" term with her. Don't know what it is to do with her though who I date, kiss, sleep with etc etc. Second one was with David. It was quite pathetic really but we had to stop talking half way through because his shift started and I feel kind of guilty that we got cut off and argh! Oh it's a stuff it thing. Today is not my day is it? Did day 1 of the fast but think I am going to start over Tuesday because I had drinks other than what I allowed myself. I'm going to start over in the morning and stick to what I plan this time. Seems a bit daft starting over but I can't continue if not satisfied. Meh I am just wierd but cool in that way xD I'm meant to be meeting Jenny on Thursday (God give me strength!) at 18:30. I really don't want to tbh. I always end up voluntering at the youth club with Andy whilst people gossip about us. It's not fun plus Anne left and Lauren runs the place so... I'd rather join the British Army and do a 26 mile run over the Scottish Highlands!! If I really can't get out of it then I guess I ahve no choice. I guess it's about time I caught up with them guys and listen to the boyfriend dramas. I thought I would only hear them from 16 year olds and that but people from work in their 20's and 30's still talk about it. Is there no getting away with it?? I must say after reading all the posts on PT and Facebook, I am so glad I don't live at home, Glad I never got forced to eat when i did live at home either. I'd probably of stood in front of a bus or something similar. No not suicidal just a figure of speech. I'd never join the "trend" of putting a suicide plan online. Be a leader not a follower haha xD I mean sure I sometimes feel forced to eat by the fella and friends but it's not an everyday thing. Thinking back I'm not sure how I cope living at home for like... nearly 10 years (6-7 until 16)... with an Eating Disorder. It's really sad that no-one in my family have ever noticed though. Teachers and people have suspected and made me feel at ease if I ever told anyone but no-one else. It's good and bad. I've always been known as the skinny, over fussy, lanky friend (aye it's a nice description) I had the weirdest thought that maybe once I get to my gw (97lbs for now) that maybe for once people will notice AND pay attention. I think in a way everyone with an ED wants somebody to notice and just care. And on that note I give up with the internet for now. Major shocker but I need to focus on other things and probably sleep at some point haha xD This blog takes a beating like a theraphy session =P =D Na'Nighty Night Mucho Love xoxox

May sunshine

It's quite a nice day here today for once. I'm not spending it out though for once. I am going to do the opposite thing to every other Brit and not rush out when the sun is shining haha. I did start writing this and then I jumped into the shower =) There is only so long you can put it off after working out haha.
So anyhow today is going pretty good. I was supposed to clean the house (again) but have put it off so far. It's not dirty or anything but I need it to be perfect. Oh how I love OCD! So I guess that is the first stop after writing this all down.
I've had quite a lot on my mind over this weekend and it shows no sign of slowing down over these next couple of weeks. Everything just seems to be moving so fast. Almost as though everyone is progressing and moving forward but me. Don't get me wrong I'm not doing badly life wise. I finished college, moved onto an apprenticeship and a good job so I can follow through onto University but that's not it. When I look at friends lives they seem to have something much greater than me. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's genuine happiness or something because they all mainly still live at home and are at college. In that stake I beat them hands down (Not the it is a competition) I don't know what it is. I feel stumped thinking about it. I kind of have this feeling that I am stuck, I can't go any further for quite a while. It's hard to explain. I think I need to think about it which is probably making it more complicated and ohh!
I think I am just going to think on it all until later tonight and then reconsider it all. Ohh life aye?
Well I better get on with my day.
Mucho Love
xoxox

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Life. It indeed is strange

I keep asking myself "Did I really just spend nearly 4 hours on a religion I'm not even sure about anymore?" I guess I did. I'm more so confused about this than I am most other things. It is a strange thing life. Don't think I will ever understand it. I in a sort confessed most things I do or have done but not directly. I sort of mentioned my ED too but from a total different aspect of it. *No I didn't lie to a priest. I bent the truth.* Made me kind of think about it differently. I mean I already think of it from mine, David's even the medical point of view. This was different. Meh. It's nothing to do with religion. *I'll keep telling myself that.* I'm just changing =) Always a good thing. When I was talking to Harry and the Christian dude vicar *He's not that keen on me I don't think. Probably because I am talking to a priest that doesn't work there plus isn't Christian (Harry) and because I have never really gone there regular. Last time I went I was 13 and I told him straightout that it wasn't my religion.* whilst waiting for Kaytie, I didn't feel I could lie. Maybe it's the fact it is a church *all be it a Christian one* and he appartently works for God. Hahahaha I'm sorry but I am laughing whilst writing this. I am a classic case of denial ain't I? Oh I give up with the Religion thing. I can't take it too serious right now. But on brighter news I didn;t spend all that time in the church. I got coffee and took a walk whilst talking to Harry =) Look a new friend. I am sure that was a Summer Goal of mine =P We live quite close too but maybe that has something to do with the fact I live practically over the road from a Catholic primary school and then across the main road to a church?
Oh and what is it with my exes breaking up this weekend?! Dan did too. Was suprised at that one because he started dating her whilst dating me and telling bs. But I try not to hold a grudge. Just realised my boyfriends seem to go off with my friends. Maybe that's the reason me and David stick mainly to work friends? Mmm... Anyway he broke up with Jay today because he lying and doing stuff he promised he wouldn't. *I don't want to know the ins and outs to be honest.* Then again what do you expect when you date a man who had a girlfriend when you started seeing him? Do feel sorry for her though because it seemed pretty genuine. A bit of a shocker really. Oh well they'll deal with it.
I think I am going to try and get an earlyish night tonight. Laptop off. TV... well that is staying on until I am sleepy and phone on silent. Dani barely spoke to me today. Mainly about hair. She wants a pink streak in the fringe *I've had pink streaks in my hair numberous times both on blonde, black and blonde hair.* She expects it not to fade especially when straightening and washing it everyday practically. You treat it the same as red hair. Everytime you wash it, it fades, That's why you redo it so often. *I am an hairdresser now.* I must come across as a right cow or something but I really aren't. It's just she's mainly the only person I know who will only ever complain about herself or somebody talking about her. Carley* I will call her, did that the other week but she admitted it. I think I still have the text message she sent to another friend I will call Emma*.
" Babe seriously Dani used to b lyk it wiv me txtin 24/7 saying she was my mate etc then she stopd. She txts me every so often wen she needs advice bt av movd on shes a user n as 4 the whole molly* friendship she will replace u with her and their friendship thing I fed up of seein her status its becoming weird and stalkerish. Dani needs to get a gripn look at what she as nt whats gone coz eventually pepl r guna get pisd off wiv her. N u are a great friend u don't need people lyk her it's the 1s who keep in touch that count she is using you sori if u think am been a bitch x x x x"
Now I've known and I speak to Carley* more than Dani and that isn't how she texts or anything. And I saw what she text so Dani just twists it around for attention I guess. Carley* is literate because I wouldn't reply if she wasn't haha. It makes you think how much you knwo a person and what else they are lying about you know? I'm not sur eon that anymore. I'll take it at face value.
This as become a mega long post again xD I should be a writer or something. I seem to be pretty good at it =D Right I am stopping now before it becomes a novel =P Plus I want to keep some rest before starting my fast tomorrow. Not sure how long I will fast though because I want to stay pretty level because I am donating blood in 10 days =) Might just do Monday til Friday or Monday til Monday then eat mainly fruit and veg plus soup.
Mucho Love
xoxox

Not a bad day...

But not a regular one. I left David's quite early this morning so that I could meet my friend for a coffee at Costa and just chat. We ended up going to church... interesting =) Not done that in quite a while but it's a Sunday and she's quite religious *Christian* so I went with her. The church isn't too far from a Catholic one so after the Christian service she decided she was going to talk to this group *Yeah that's not my thing. Wrong religion too lol* so I decided quite out of the blue so go and sat in on the Catholic service. It actually wasn't that bad to be honest and the priest was really nice. By 11:45 I thought she had got lost because she was going to text me and tell me when she was ready and I was still sat on the bench things waiting so I checked out Facebook on my phone. Two things stood out at me. My ex from last Spring/Summer, Andy, had broken up with my best friend and my sort of ex boyfriend *Long complicated story trust me* was dating someone I've known for years. It kind of hit me that I felt... I'm not sure. I still don't. It's not jealousy, I'm sure of that. Which brings me back to church. It was not long after noon and... Numb. I think that's what I felt. For some strange reason a priest *Harry. He doesn't work there.* started talking to me. Not sure why *maybe I looked, lost, bored, tired, hungry! Actually no I don't think the last one counts.* though it wasn't a bad chat. I almost wanted to confess my entire sins out. It was really strange. I felt like a weight of a sort was lifted. My friend *well bloody done. It only took you what? 110 minutes?* finally text me telling me she was done talking to the... are they called Priests or Vicars? I'll go with Vicar. That's what Ashley is in Emmerdale... vicar and after 10-20 minutes she came and we left. She asked me to go back with her at half 5. I agreed too. She'll be doing her thing with whoever at whatever church and I am going to loiter the Catholic side of things haha. Me and religion? Not something you see everyday now is it? I feel a little bit eager to go though. Anyway of the religion side of things before I come across as a bible basher or something =D When I got back to Joe's house the first thing I got was "Have you eaten?" *A bible woulda come in handy then so I could throw it at them.* I just brushed it of with a mmm. Nobody noticies if I eat really when it's just Joe here. Seperate parts of the house and all. Plus I practically live in the dining room. Better TV and that lol and it's quite private. I think I am going to eat today and fast from tomorrow. It's pretty easy to get away with. Only problems are with friends but they are all back at college/university/work from tomorrow so it'll be fine. Anyway I think I am going to shut up. These posts must be getting longer by the day XD Will post an update on the entire priest/ex/friend/life/ed whatever situation later on tonight =) Mucho Love <3 xoxox

Saturday, 15 May 2010

I like gave in and did it

I caved in today. On the fast and staying in =/ and =) I'm not too bummed out about fasting really. I'd rather stop now than carry on and lead to a binge of some sorts. So all is good in that department. For now anyway. I didn't stay in either. I went to David's. Still here actually. Just noticed that my boyfriend as the same name as David Cameron. Aw shucks xD But I *think* I can deal with that. As long as he doesn't start looking or acting like him. Then I would be creeped out. And more than tempted to run and never stop but that isn't happening so no need to panic right? Ooh it's my dads middle name too... We've spent most of the time watching this dvd that one of our friends made of music videos. Quite a few of Martina McBrides songs were on it and she is wow! I actually wanted to cry and I haven't wanted to do that because of a song in a long time. I think it was mainly Concrete Angel and Gods Will. It was probably the meaning behind them. But it was sweet and not a bad afternoon/evening. I think I am going to stay at D's tonight because I can't be bothered going back to an empty house. It's nice how every ones plans never involve me right? He's thinking about going to his mums in the morning to drop something off so if I decide not to go early *Most likely won't* and he decides to go I guess I will be tagging along. I don't mind because his mum is lovely. And then will most likely go back to his and spend the day in my pjs lol. With my phone turned off!! Long story so I might as well write it down =P I get unlimited texts on a weekend so normally chat with everybody but when I tell them I am doing something for a while they get it and leave it at that until later on. All Dani has done is non-stop text. It doesn't help when you put your phone on silent either because you end up with a million texts to go through. *I'm really glad she doesn't have my O2 number because that has unlimited texts when it's topped up and used.* She's got a problem which even non-medical people she has on Facebook know she's got to go to the doctors. The problem is she is happy to moan about it but won't go because she doesn't want a doctor checking her poo and that. I'm sorry but if I had any problems, as embarrassing as it is, I wouldn't care if a doctor had to rummage around up my butt. I'd want to know what was wrong instead of saying "Ooh no way. I'm not going lol. It doesn't happe everyday." I thought it was annoying at work when someone asked me something but said nahh and ignored it but I get paid to deal with that slightly irritating part of the job. I don't get paid to be a nurse/doctor/psychiatrist. * I swear that's what she mistakes me for* If I did I'd be rich by now! But yeah it's really annoying. I wish I had never mentioned my job *Great thinking. Shame it's 8 months too late* *Note to self: Think in future. Think way ahead of others.* Anyway I think I should probably get on with a few things and not seem totally glued to my laptop (though D is no better. (= ) I want to finish some writing I began earlier and I have told Dani I am pretty tired. It's not even 21:00 but meh. It's wishful thinking on my behalf. If I could go to sleep this early, well late to some people, I would probably be frozen to the spot from shock! Insomnia is such a drag, more so when I am at work but if I have to study last minute it can be the best thing since coffee. It's worse when everything on tv is boring and you and the person you are in the same room with are busy doing something random that probably doesn't need doing *Bar this blog =P* On a different note what is the point of salad with pizza and fries? Never understood that. Or a diet coke with a large meal from McDonalds. That is just as much a point of going to the gym for a sandwich. Okay I think I should definitely stop typing and close the curtain on this post before I end up sounding like a bitch or appearing like one of them crazy women who stop you in town and don't let you leave forever! Mucho Love xoxox

Good morning weekend

It's now nearly 11am. I was intending on staying in bed until around this time or later but woke up at 8am. At least I managed to get some sleep though after 30 hours + of staying awake. So I deal at waking up at 8. Everyone is out today and i have decided that for once I am going to stay in all weekend. Not done that in a while so it's about time =) Been thinking more and more about work. I think it is definitely time to go back. I mean my foot is healed now so that's no problem. I want to change departments too because I'm not psyched to be on the ward I was so I need to talk to Sue and... oh that London guy... Faron! Applying for different jobs anyway so that's alright. Plus I don't want to work with David haha. Love the guy to pieces but working together is quite... well it could prove to be a deal breaker y'know? I don't want to stay in now. I need some nail polish because my nails are a dodgy purpley blue. Nails done without spending time painting them =P So *Note to self: Need nail polish asap* We are currently planning our family holiday for next year. I'm not sure I even want to go but it's hard to say no. I don't even know where they are going. I think it's going to be somewhere like Crete or Zante or something like that. We was meant to be going to Florida, which I was happy with but they changed their minds. It's quite annoying and even more so when you don't get along with half of them. At least it will be legal to drink so can get away from them all =) I need to get an haircut. I want to grow it out but the ends feel pretty rough and stuff now so should really book an appointment to get it done. Not sure how though because I am pretty bored of lots of layers and side fringe. I should probably talk to my hairdresser. I love how I should *probably* talk to all these people. I will but when is another matter haha. Anyway I need to go and ramble to David on the phone then Caitlin so I need to shut up and save some energy. Mucho Love xoxox

Friday, 14 May 2010

Friday ~ Such a busy bee =)

That's my picture of beauty for today. That and I would totally have that dress!! Aye she ain't super thin but she is quite stunning and makes that dress look even better.
So today. Busy busy busy. Got to go to the other side of Leeds so that is a good 2 hours getting there on the bus. I should probably start booking my driving lessons but that can wait until I go back to work. So a good 4 hours of my day is going to be spent on a bus. Joy! Oh and I have to go shopping for food. Again. Joy! It's not how I would ideally like to spend my Friday but it's out fo the house and away from food. Actually scrap that last bit because there is nothing in the house for me to eat! Grr! It's weird but I am actually peed off that I didn't really get anything brought back but at least it's not going to be wasted or anything.
Oh I have a million things to do and no motivation to do them =/ Fasting makes me feel motivated and that but my body and head today would rather just lounge out in pjs watching trashy tv. Right snap out of it. See I even have to tell myself to get in shape haha.
I am sure I will report back later on and write everything that went right and wrong down.
Mucho Love
xoxox

Fasting 3

Day 3. Well on day 1 I had a bite crumpet but spat it back out. Not counting that haha. So day 3 =) I'm going to get out of these 130's and down into the 120's asap!! Thinking about going down to London again in November. Bit of space and things from Leeds but it all depends on work, when I go back and if I can get the time off. I swear trying to get time off of work in the NHS is next to freaking impossible. Mucho Love xoxox

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

New week right?

Did a 2 hour walk. Ate a pizza. You see where I messed up haha. Oh well I am going to get back on track. One day right? Mucho Love xoxox

Monday, 10 May 2010

Plans

From May 10th:
  • Break 18 day fast record. Or try at least.
  • Go from 135lbs to 120lbs minimum.
  • Move the fuck back to my place! Jesus been waiting forever for the money.

I want to do all of that this month haha!! With the fasting it's a case of getting past the evening. I get so hungry in the evenings. Grr.

The moving back home: Damn money problems. If I got paid I would be able to sort things out and fuck off away from these lot. Plus have David over a lot more because the family don't know anything about him. It'll be easy to avoid food too because nobody will ever know I haven't eaten haha.

Mucho Love

xoxox

Quick and short

Well I haven't done bad today. I have only had Quorn chicken. A lot of it though but I think it's 288 calories for it all so definitely not bad. Might fast tomorrow =D Mucho Love xoxox

Me

I like this picture of me :)
I'm scared (next post)
Mucho Love
xoxox

Sunday, 9 May 2010

It

Was an hung parliment. So today all I ate was a few rice cakes. Pretty good but Friday night I fot ordered a cheese Pizza. Am bloody craving another one. I dunno what is wrong with me. Oh I'm soo confused and can't talk to anyone. And I am a big drama queen haha. Mucho Love xoxox

Friday, 7 May 2010

Sorry

My dear blog but you will be blogged with a load of politics tonight! Labour are ahead atm!!! 45 seats to Conservatives 26!! Woooo. So cool haha. I am suck a nerd. I swear to God I actually prayed for Labour to win. I really hope they do. I love the Labour party and their policies. They need to win. I am quite psyched!

Monday, 3 May 2010

So =)

Weighed in this morning and am 9st 8 3/4lbs =) Thinking if I carry on eating very minimal amounts and fasting with lots of exercise, I will lose this fat faster. So I am going to do some crunches and push ups now to aid me along =) x Mucho Love xoxox

New month!

New freaking weight! 9st 12lbs was the official weight on the 1st of May. So disappointing. I am starting a fast. I am 19 minutes into it lol. I want to get to 9st by Sunday. Monday max. I am having a workout night tonight. I aren't tired and I need to lose this weight. I must be 126 by the end of the week, I must!