Wednesday, 20 January 2010

So hungry, so weak =(

I'm hungry. Actually I am starving but yet I just can't find it in myself to get anything to eat. Tried to eat a few crisps earlier but couldn't even pick them up =( They repulsed me =( What's going on like? I'm just so hungry and past caring about anything but after 9 days of no food I can't stomach anything. Haven't been drinking loads of fluids like I was a couple of days into my fast either. Just so confused straight now. I wish I could eat something small because I feel really weak and have a full on week from today. Drinking as well this friday and Saturday which will just kill me on an empty stomach. I haven't seen much of a change on the scale either since Sunday which is when this PMS started which is normal cos I normally have up to 5lbs gain for a few days but that's just discouraging me from eating something. It's a little voice saying starve until you see change but then I'll still not want to eat because I'd be seeing change in numbers and it's an endless circle going round and round and never stops.

When i actually went to pick the bag of crisps up just to move them my hand, I mean my brain or body or whatever just wouldn't allow me to ='( I couldn't even touch the bag. How pathetic and stupid is that? Argh!!!!!!!!! I just want something small and light to eat. Bloody hell my stomach is just going through hell right now. So is my head. I am so tired straight now. I just want to sleep. Or cry. Or scream. Or all three lol. After eating though =( ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why does Dannii and everyone else on facebook with an ED seem to be able to eat when they want or when they feel really hungry? Why can't I be like them and eat? I need to eat. I need some strength today. Lord help me. Mucho Love xoxox

No comments:

Post a Comment