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Monday, 18 January 2010

Regrets

Here is a list of my regrets, most in 2009: 1) Dan! Obvious reasons :-( 2) Ash. He was lovely and I really did like him for a long time even when he was with a sort of friend and I sort of regret what happened and what I did to him. 3) Andy. I liked him more than a crush and friend. He was awesome but just not, lets just say it wouldn't work out :'( 4) Caitlin. I had trust in her and she totally destroyed it despite apparently being my best friend. 5) Not going for it when Andy made a play for me. Ironic huh? Never let myself think of him like that until after he made it obvious and then... complicated lol. 6) Family. Enough bloody said! Hate them more than a lot of things. 7) Facebook. Put me in touch with people like me. It is a good thing cos I love people like Dannii to pieces but maybe it sucked me further into my ED if that is possible. 8) School. Not going. No exams. No qualifications. Enough said huh? 9) Toby (Tobs) Not telling him the truth when he asked me about things. Big regret. 10) Alex. I really cared, still care about him. Not as a partner or anything like that but as a friend. He actually cared about me a lot and I felt I was able to tell him anything without being judged but unfortunately I left college too soon and never see him much anymore :'( I think if I told anyone willingly about my ED it'd most definitely be him. 11) This ED. I regret it big time. Not getting help for it but the help right now would just kill me. It'd be too hard to deal with and I would go mad lol. 12) Friends. Thought they were, turned out they weren't. 13) SI. Self Injury. Not the typical cutter or anything like that. Probably much worse. I... break bones, sprain body parts and things like that. The moment I hit an arm or leg with an hammer I get this release that makes me feel free in a way. Free of all the stresses and worries I have. Even if they only come back whilst I am sat in A&E LOL. They are my 13 main regrets. Lets see if I can find 13 things that I enjoyed. 1) Dannii ~ Best friend I could ever ask for. Seriously would be lost without her!! 2) Work ~ This keeps me sane. Knowing I am doing something I enjoy even though I never even completed High School just makes me feel so proud of myself :-) 3) College ~ Proud of finishing it and even going back when not there. 4) Friendships ~ I've made some beautiful friends this year if only online and through text messages. Amazing, wonderful people :-D 5) David ~ He is awesome. Love him to pieces. Sometimes can't stand him but that is normal lol. 6) Qualifications ~ Getting them is so cool. Especially cos I didn't have any haha!! 7) My new apartment ~ I am going to love it! :-D 8) Finding the strength to let people go out of my life that was worth it. ~ Self explanatory I think. 9) My ED ~ I know it was a regret but it's also something that is I don't know. But it's a love hate relationship I guess. 10) Independence ~ Courage to move out, do college and get a job. Pretty cool to do before 17 :-P 11) Ermm... not got anything else that springs to mind haha!! Not too bad I don't think but could be a hell of a lot better. Mucho Love xoxox

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