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Saturday, 16 January 2010

Huh...

Go figure. Feeling a little bit light headed today. Am really tired as well though so that could be affecting me. I think after weigh-in in that morning or rather a couple of hours I am going to make a really big cup of milky tea with a bit of sugar. Try and get the blood sugar levels up a little bit. Am spending most of my day out in town and places tomorrow so don't want to feel shaky and faint. I feel so tired right now. Need to check msn too but can't. Well don't want to. Going to go straight to sleep after writing this and watching the episode of Road Wars. Feeling quite fat today and not expecting a huge loss in the morning or whatever you want to call it. I haven't worked out at all really and yeah fine I haven't eaten but I want to lose 5lbs, well under that but I can't really see that happening without working out. Would get up now and do some exercise but will do lots of walking tomorrow and go for a walk in the evening too to try and encourage the weight loss. Hopefully all the walking from 10am till the afternoon plus another walk from 6pm till 9pm will help. I hope it does. I don't know what I will do if I am not 126lbs by anytime Monday. Even though I feel weak I am enjoying it because I know I am doing something right. Feeling really messed up right now. Actually close to tears because nobody notices what I am doing. Quite frankly I am killing myself slowly. Maybe not physically but mentally I am proper screwed up. I'm livin for what I want to achieve because my goals in life are basically my life. Not my friends or family because I don't have any : I'm not even bothered by it anymore. Me and my ED will be just fine by ourself. I want somebody to just hug me and say it will be alright but I know that will never happen. I want to hurry up and go back to work. It's something that keeps me sane, gives my life a structure and just someplace I could fine new friends. I feel so lonely. All the girls who claim to have an ED on Facebook claim to know this but I don't think they do. I feel so small compared to everything, it just... sucks. What a way to start day 5 huh? Just having a down, lonely, miserable and shite but things will be okay when I go to sleep and sleep this off. Please, please, please let me wake up in a regular bland mood, Nighty night. Mucho Love xoxox

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